Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

I’ll be the first one to admit it. I’m a victim of the modern era, subject to the the comforts of the digital age, a slave to instant gratification. So as you can imagine after four posts, I was a nervous wreck about not having any comments or feed back. What’s a blogger to do? Wait and be patient? I don’t think so.

So I asked a friend of mine to read my posts and offer his critique/criticism. Now you don’t know this friend, so I tell you  what you need to know to understand where I’m coming from. He pretty much hates people and dealing with them, hates reading and has a severe case of attention deficit disorder, or as he describes it, “I’ve got the attention span of a dachshund on meth.” So logically he seemed like the perfect candidate to review my work.

I asked him to check it out, he said OK, I waited around a few days and nothing. I finally asked if he’d read it yet and he said that he had. Thanks for letting me know. Did he think I wanted him just to read it and go about his life? “What did you think?” I asked. “It was fine.” he replied. Another point, this guy has never said anything nice about anything in all the time I’ve known him. He’s the kind of guy who if you ask, “Do you think I’m a loser?” after your girlfriend leaves you and your get fired from your job and you’re totally depressed will answer, “Yes.” just to cheer you up.

Naturally I was taken back by his response. Completely shocked I pried into his answer. “For real?” “You don’t have anything else to say?” “At all?” just some of the brilliant questions I threw at him trying to trick him into giving me his true opinion. “Well, I guess I’d say they were a little too long and a little soft and fluffy, but then again so are you.” Now that’s more like it. That’s the kind of thing I’m use to hearing.

Light and fluffy. Light and fluffy? What the heck is light and fluffy? So of course I had to ask. “I don’t know, just light and fluffy.” he responded. Point number three, he’s the kind of guy that has probably never answered a direct question in his life. You know the type, “Where do you want to eat?” “I don’t care.” “How ’bout Johnny’s Steak House?” “No.” Alright…

My next line of questioning was too explore the opposite of light and fluffy. Which I guess would be tough and macho. “What do you want me to do, write all tough and macho?” “Yeah try that.” “OK… how’s that suppose to go?” Which really is an interesting question.

How does one write tough? Do you constantly quote and reference macho stereotypes? Write about non-mainstream sports like professional chainsaw racing or beer mud diving? Do you write about young girls in an explicit and demeaning matter, citing perverse and imaginary positions and exploits? Or far worse, do you give your views on war and who should be killed, how it should be done and when to do it?

Truth is, I have no idea. So I’d love to hear from somebody. Anybody. Tell me how to write tough or better yet tell me how you’ve come to rely and look forward to me bathing you in the light and fluffy magic that pours from my fingertips.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster