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The SUV and the Drivers Who Must Die

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I’ve driven my fair share of automobiles, new and used. Compact cars, gigantic cars, cheap cars, expensive cars, pickup trucks, moving trucks, and you guessed it, SUV’s. So I feel like I’ve had a good feel for the parameters of the driving experience.

One thing I’ve learned, not only from experience, but also from watching COPS is that automobiles can withstand a lot of damage. Just like the truck commercials and even a current SUV commercial states, the ads themselves will always show their vehicle driving over boulders, threw rivers, across deserts and knee high mud. They handle these terrains with out blinking a headlight. It’s what they were made for.

So imagine the shock and surprise of being behind one of the amazing SUV’s in local, everyday traffic and almost coming to complete stop, waiting for the might SUV to gentle drive over railroad tracks, valley gutter (dip), or speed bump. I literally feel my blood start to boil when I’m forced to bear witness to this ridiculous behavior.

I’m not usually one to fall victim to road rage, but when I see an SUV’s owner driving their might “fortress on wheels” like granny on a scooter Sunday morning, I can’t help the visions of outrageous violence flashing in my head, turning my eyes blood red. “Are you kidding me?!?!” I often exclaim. “It’s an SUV for Pete’s sake!” I might scream aloud to myself.

It doesn’t stop there either. Apparently 76% of SUV owners were originally previous owner’s of a European compact car, because parking has now mimicked the results of a drunken toddler behind the wheel. I’ve actual missed entire movies or had the gallon of milk I just bought spoil while sitting, rotting and wasting my life away in a parking lot as I’m trapped behind the SUV driver trying to “line up”, “straighten out” or attempt to get into a parking stall.

Forget the fact that you, as a car driver, can’t see around them in traffic or day to day entrance maneuvers, but have mercy on my soul when I finally yank the wheel to meet them head on, in a simple right lane-left lane residential street pass. I know the SUV is big, but I think you can get closer to the curb than 13 feet. The center of the road is not for traffic.

I’m not sure if it’s really the SUV’s fault or if the world just produces a low caliber of drivers. If you take the test and fail, you can go back the next day and take it again. Point is, the test isn’t designed to keep the roads safe. It’s not designed to make an elite group of people privileged enough to be a licensed driver. It’s just a formality, because handing out licenses at the county fair would be too presumptuous.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

September 20, 2008 at 4:41 am

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