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Bathroom Etiquette

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I’m a rooster, not a hen so I don’t know if this applies to both sides or not. All you ladies, if you feel left out just try having a laugh at the stupid men and their behavior. You’re only being left out due to lack of experience on my part.

I have a fear of public bathrooms. It’s not some kind of weird phobia or a condition developed out of a traumatic experience I suffered. It stems solely from strangers. As mother use to say, “Beware of strangers”.

Because that’s exactly what you get in a public bathroom, strangers. Just as in life there are many different personality types that use public bathrooms. There’s the shy, quiet type who wish they were in a private bathroom all alone, (that’s the category I fall under). Then there’s the “I couldn’t care less about being private, in fact I’m quite proud of the noises and smells my body makes.” These are the people that come into the bathroom with reading material or talk on the phone. We’re in a PUBLIC bathroom for crying in the night. I’ve never been one who needs reading material, but if you are and you’re at home and want to skim threw a view chapters of ‘War and Peace’ while hanging out, be my guest. I would just think you’d want to keep that as a closed door thing. Of course there is also the the middle types, the ones who seem oblivious to the weird vibes or awkward tension that fills the room. They’re called office managers.

Now the type that really gets my goat, the ones that are desperately seeking to get smacked around, who really need to be taught a little bathroom etiquette are the ones who want to talk. I’m describing those who wish to try to engage in actual conversations. A simple “hello” or maybe a arbitrary comment about the weather would be OK, (still too much and way too creepy for me, but they’re just one of those overly friendly, salesman personality types). The ones who qualify for being placed in front of the firing squad are the ones who just won’t shut up, regardless of you ignoring them or not. They ask you questions, they tell you stories, they describe and provide detail of the act they’re performing, anything and everything that enters their mind.

Maybe this, like so many other human behaviors is not something that you become over night. Perhaps there are signs or warnings of those who are heading down the dark and destructive path. I think one of those signs might be those who sing softly at the urinal. That has to be a sign of future overbearing, inopportunely conversationalist. We should probably have a class or seminar that we could send people to that show the early signs of “Urinal Talker” and perhaps even rehabilitate a few of the addicts as well. Lord knows the government has wasted money on more ridiculous endeavors.

I only go to the bathroom for one reason and one reason only. It’s not to make new friends or have a debate over the ’78 Cowboys. Just let me do my thing and get out of there. If you want to be my new friend or help you out with a dilemma or whatever, let’s do it outside. I won’t take that long, so just be patient, relax and please be quiet in the bathroom. The noise makes it crawl back up.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

September 21, 2008 at 3:52 am

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