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Online Auctions, Worse Than Heroin

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There’s a certain online auction site that is very popular. I’m sure you know the one to which I’m referring too, so sorry **** no free advertisement here. Even though this whole blog is an advertisement, since we all know what I am talking about… oh well, I STILL WON’T SAY YOUR NAME!

Anyway, I think a quote from my friend, Jack McCallistersums it up best, but to achieve the true meaning and depth, let us relive the moment in scripted form.

Ramblin’ Rooster: “Boy, that (online auction) is crazy. I felt like I was gambling.”

Jack McCallister: “(online auction) is evil.”

RR: “How is it evil?”

JM: “It totally sucks you in and takes all your money.”

RR: “But I just bid on a few comics.”

JM: “It starts with a few a comics and ends with your wife threatening divorce as you’re driving to Dallas to pick up your new car.”

Just in case you’re the curious type, Dallas is around 1200 miles from where we live. I don’t know if that improves the story for you or not, but there it is all the same.

And that’s it in a nut shell. You go to (online auction), thinking you’ll just look around, check it out and nine hours later, the sun has come up and your twitchy little finger sweats as you hover over the mouse button, refreshing the clock, trying to “snipe” your item in the last ten seconds of bidding. You lose track of the original item you were even after and have now focused everything on not seeing that annoying “You’ve Been Outbid” text pop up. “I just bid $100 for something valued at $20! Who would be so stupid as to bid on it?!” It’s more of grammatical gambling than product shopping. You just want to see “Winner!”.

That’s how they get you. You find something you like, let’s say a Ramblin’ Rooster T-Shirt, for $1. “Ramblin’ Rooster T-Shirt for $1? I’d take a Ramblin’ Rooster T-Shirt for $1.” So you bid. “Congratulations, you’re the highest bidder!” Wow, that feels pretty good you tell yourself. Everything is wonderful and you’re happy, thinking about the awesome Ramblin’ Rooster T-Shirt you’re about to get for a measly dollar. Then you get outbid. So you raise your bid, thinking to yourself, “OK, $3.20, but that’s as high as I’m going to go”. It doesn’t last. As soon as it gets to $3.80, you think, “Well, what’s $4 compared to $3.20?” and so on and so on.

Cue entrance of the shoulder Devil laughing and twisting his mustache as he prods you with his pitch fork, whispering with his hot breath into your ear, “Bid again, there’s only one minute left. Bid $5.38, that’ll win for sure. No? Try $10”.

I wonder how long before there are meetings, help groups and rehabilitation facilities dedicated solely for (online auction) addictions. Maybe they already exist. If anyone knows of one, please let me know.

By the way, this post will be placed for bid tomorrow. Starting bid $0.99 with free shipping.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

September 23, 2008 at 4:04 am

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