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I’m the Only One Who Doesn’t Know I’m Going Bald

with 2 comments

There are a lot of fat and ugly people in the world. I think most of them work in my building. I guess that means I could be fat and ugly too. I’m not too fat, maybe a few pounds, but I’m working on it, (getting fatter mind you).

The whole beauty thing is pretty much pointless to debate. The subject is just too ambiguous and objective. Just like the saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” that’s a fact you can’t argue with. So no matter how beautiful I think I am or how ugly I feel, there will always be someone there to tell me the opposite, right? Tell me I’m beautiful… please?

How did the world get so involved with beauty? Surely everyone knows by now, that it’s a losing bet to put your money on beauty. It doesn’t last and in the broad spectrum of life and love it really doesn’t matter. The most beautiful person on the outside who’d kick puppies or drown kitties turns out to be quite ugly in the end.

“Beauty is on the inside.” “That’s just what ugly people say…” I wish I could remember what movie that’s from, because sadly, like most all Americanisms, the general public is so desensitized and numb from scandal and betrayal we just don’t care about right or wrong anymore. We as a society have been so strung out on “extreme” this and that or the latest, fabricated, reality non-sense that we’ve adjusted and accustomed ourselves to needing shock and awe just to get out of bed in the morning.

So it’s really no surprised that when it comes to “being deep” or “getting to the heart of the matter” that majority rules and as always, is completely void of reason, compassion or common sense. Yet, one could refer to me as a hypocrite, because I’m teetering on the threshold of vanity denial.

I’ve always been a pseudo hippie. Not into the “free love”, “tie-dye scene” or “patchoulioil baths”, but rather just mellow and wanna-be earthy. I always thought people who did unnecessary cosmetic alterations on themselves were “mindless robots” or “soulless zombies” wasting there money, lives and spirit. But am I becoming what I’ve always hated? Like a punk rocker buying a mini-van?!

Balding seems to be a topic of discussion brought up frequently among men who are leaving their teens and rocketing towards middle age. I was of the mind that if my hair fell out that I wouldn’t care. Now that the nightmare is becoming a daymare, I’ve found a new bond with hair that I never knew existed. I still refuse to apply “product” or wear “a piece”, so the only alternative left is denial and that’s where I’m at.

The debate over who you get your “hair genes” from is completely moot for me. Both of my grandfathers were bald. My mother and father are thinning. My brother is in trouble. My uncle is bald, bald. I have watched my widow’s peak get higher and higher over the years. It’s now starting to cross inwards towards the center of my head, creating a small little island of hair on top. I can feel a big difference between the top of my head and the back of my head, (in thickness/density). I’m trying to grow my hair out “one last time” and the top isn’t growing very much at all, while the back seems fine and dandy, so in essence I’m growing a natural mullet… The point is, the evidence is overwhelming, undeniable and literally staring me in the face, (if I’m looking into a mirror). Yet somehow I still have a small part of me that tries to convince myself, “You’re not going to be bald. It’s cool. Every thing’s gonna be hairy and fine.”

It’s sad and silly, but I do believe in the end I’ll come to terms with it, just like everything else in this crazy world.

In the mean time I’ve been experimenting with the comb-over and shopping around for colorful, designer pony tail holders.

Next blog: Why do balding men attempt the comb-over or grow pony tails? Don’t they know they’re bald? Losers…

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

September 24, 2008 at 4:48 am

2 Responses

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  1. At this moment, I’m absolutely positive that you are the funniest person on the face of the Earth.

    Brandon Snead

    September 25, 2008 at 7:30 pm

  2. Thanks Brandon! With a compliment like that, the only way to go is down. So when they find me in an alley, laying in a cardboard box, in a pool of urine, telling “knock-knock jokes” with my holey sock, I’ll know who to blame. But seriously, I appreciate it and hope you’ll come back again. Take care.

    Ramblin' Rooster

    September 26, 2008 at 3:56 am

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