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Archive for October 3rd, 2008

Movement of Home Improvement

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I have one of those wives that likes to pretend she has everything she needs. Not to say that in theory it isn’t cool, but where the trouble comes knocking is on birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, or any commemorative day that calls for a present to be given.

What happens is I ask what you would like… Now just hold on before you go attacking me and calling me unromantic or insensitive or something along those lines. The woman has closets full of all kinds of things that were given as surprise gifts. We’ve just reached the point in our relationship where buying each other knickknack crap is not only a waste of money, it’s down right annoying. “Wow, a suction cup shower mirror, thanks.” Have you ever seen me shaving in the shower? So you get my point. I still try and look for clues and signs of things she might want, but she seems happy with “the asking”. Anyway… what happens is I ask, “What would you like for (insert special day)?” To which she replies, (most of the time) “Nothing.” I then spend hours upon days, forcing her to give me something and in the end she winds up with some kind of trinket.

This year was much different, Maybe it’s because I let slip the phrase, “…it can be anything you want” at the end. She went with painting three bathrooms and the girl’s room. Yippee!

After buying all the stuff the first thing I did was “tape off” the baseboards and any trim. This is when I started to notice the amazingly lousy job of the person who painted before me. There were paint mistakes all over the trim, door jams, ceiling and floors. I was actually stunned how unobservant I’d been since moving in. It was awful. A one-armed, drunken, blind, circus monkey could have done a better job.

This is just the beginning of the dilemma. The harder I tried to make my lines and coat of paint professional and perfect, the more it seemed to accentuate the mistakes of this previous, nerve damaged, “I’ve got the shakes” painter. What can you do? Paint the baseboards? That wasn’t part of the “gift package”, we only agreed on the walls.

That’s why tonight’s victim is the “movement of home improvement”. I’m not sure when the first warehouse opened and initiated the desire in unskilled, unprofessional, unknowing people to take up power tools and paint brushes and start destroying their homes, but I think litigation is in order. There’s a reason they refer to these careers as “a trade”. There actually is an art to it, a right way of doing things and the ever overlooked “tricks to the trade”, (see there’s that word again, trade).

Not to say that some things can’t be done by the layman, but vice versa not all tasks should be taken on just because the supplies are on sale. I guess all I’m saying is that if you’re going to do something to improve your home, try to make it actually improve it. The half-assed job you do now will be left to clean up by the next poor sap. Take pride in your effort.

If you want your house to look like it was remodeled by lazy children, save yourself the time and effort and call me. I have three kids who bill out at a very affordable price.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

October 3, 2008 at 3:35 am