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Archive for October 11th, 2008

Presidential Race Misses the Boat Again

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I don’t often go “political”, but something in the air tonight has got me “thinkin’ crazy”. Even in light of the excitement and novelty of this year’s Presidential election, I still feel neutral about the whole thing. I do want to say, that I think it’s awesome that America is finally starting to get away from the monotony of always having to choose between old, white guys. Golly, I wonder what another 232 years will bring?

The candidates seem so weird to me. When the race started out the Democrats really turned the world upside down. Not only trying to put a woman in the White House, but also a black man. I don’t care what you say or which way you vote or who those people might really be on the inside, it was really cool and totally refreshing. The Republicans on the other hand started out of the gate by standing still. It almost felt like the Republicans didn’t even exist.

Things progressed and we got down to an old, white guy and a mostly black guy ready to duke it out. Then the weirdness happened. Obama goes with an old, white guy for his running mate and McCain goes with an Alaskan redneck for his. WTF? Through all the hype, hypothesising and debate, to me, it never looked like anything more than each candidate trying to even their “shock factor” with one another. Obama said, “I’m considered black and white America hates black people, so I’d better get a McCain equivalent to be my V.P.” Then McCain fired back with, “I’m as exciting earthworm porno, I’d better make some waves by gettin’ some crazy whoa-man to be my V.P.” After that brief moment of chaos and panic, everything settled back down to boring and regurgitated politics.

Why doesn’t anyone speak out on the biggest, most controversial, largest injustice ever perpetrated by America? Do you know what it is? Prostitution my friends, prostitution. It’s an outrage! If I was Hammerin’ Hen, I’d be so angry I’d lay atomic bombs instead of eggs. It’s the most ridiculous, rip off ever!

Now all you good “ladies” out there who are disgusted by the word and who are shouting at your computer screens, “I would never sell my body. Anyone with a shred of self respect would do the same!”, think about this. You give it up for free. “But I’m in love…” How many times have you been in love? If every woman in America was able to charge for sex, it probably wouldn’t be considered disgusting. “If everyone was jumping off a building, would you?” Logically no, but honestly there’s a chance we all would. Never underestimate the difference between “looks good on paper” and the moment of experiencing it in “real life”. How can it be perfectly fine to be as promiscuous as you’d like to be, but the second a couple of dollars are exchanged, it’s off to jail? We need to fight the power! Demand the right to be a professional whore! “What do we want?” “Money!” “When do we want it?” “Right after sex!”

Perhaps I’m just too stupid to care, but when the candidates start talking about how they’re going to fix the country, I don’t even understand what’s broken. That’s why I want a candidate to have slogans like, “Legalize It”, “Charge for Sex”, “Let’s Clone a new America”, “I hate McDonald’s”, “I’m not wearing underwear”. The sad truth is that radicals forget how conservative America really is. If a candidate was to cut loose and spice up the campaign, they’d be done before they tried allowed to start. Crazy is fun at a party, but it doesn’t run the world.

Maybe by 2240 I’ll finally get to see the “all nude” debate I’ve always dreamed of.

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

October 11, 2008 at 4:12 am