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Meteorologists Equal Professional Fraud

with 2 comments

Close your eyes. Relax. Take a deep breath. Exhale, slowly. Imagine you are a cashier at Burger-Mart. A customer walks in and orders the number three with cheese, no pickles. The total is $7.48. The customer hands you a twenty dollar bill. You push the buttons on the cash register, the drawer opens up, you put the twenty in and return $1.21 to the customer. How long do you think it’d be before the customer jumped over the counter to strangle you?

Here’s another one.

This time you own a furniture store. You run print ads and radio commercials for your upcoming weekend sale. The ads claim that all entertainment centers are 85% off. The day your sale begins a customer walks in and sees the entertainment center of his/her dreams. Upon looking at the price tag, the customer notices the mark down is only 15%. How long before a riot ensues?

What does it mean? It means meteorologists are full of crap man!

There’s no other job in the world that allows you to be so wrong, so often. So much, that most people consider your profession to be a joke. These people went to college for cryin’ in the night. Who cares if you know what a stratocumulus or a cirrostratus is. I don’t. I just want to know if I’m going to die in the blizzard. Is that so hard to understand “Cloud-Man”?  Plus, they make crazy money, (at least the ones on TV). Yet they’re as incompetent as legless mules. Why don’t they just say, “There’s a 50/50 chance of sunshine, showers, snow, hail, earthquakes, tornadoes, volcanic eruption, swarms of locust and meteors falling from the sky today” every time they give their report? Just get it over with in one broad stroke.

Everyone knows meteorologists are worthless, but they don’t care. I’ve heard people say in the same breath, “The weather man is such an idiot… do you know what tomorrow’s suppose to be like?” Like grandma use to say, “If you want to know what the temperature is, go outside.” Dang, grandma was sweet AND smart. Your local meteorologist can be wrong every day for weeks and yet people still check the weather constantly, even though they are fully aware that it’s a “hunch” at best. Why can’t I have a job like that. “Hey Ramblin’ Rooster what 10 plus 10?” “Ummm… 37?” “Nope. Here’s your check, see ya tomorrow.”

Why are people so obsessed about the weather anyway? “Hey Billy, I’d love to come over and hang out, but it might rain, so I’m just going to stay here locked in the bathroom, laying in the tub with a mattress over the top of me. Maybe tomorrow.” Why would the weather stop you from anything you wanted to do? “Mr. Ramblin’ Rooster, maybe we might want to have picnic and we want to see if it’s suppose to rain, ’cause we’d hate to pack the basket, get all ready and go, just to get rained on.” Well, I bet you’d feel more stupid if you didn’t go and it didn’t rain. “I missed wishing my brother goodbye at the train station because Hank told me that snow was likely.” Don’t let that be you.

The worst part of all is when severe weather does hit, (and it’s always the same) “This storm just came out of nowhere…” Or it came out of the sky. Perhaps you need to crack open your meteorology handbook and verify what the red, fuzzy circle means again. Severe weather strikes, so you turn on the news, (assuming you still have a TV) and suddenly there’s fifty meteorologists “on location” all over the city. People you’ve never seen or heard of. The regular weather person is never on. WTF?!?! So you watch the broadcast for hours, hoping to catch a morsel of information and for three hours you sit through these second and third string meteorologists going on and on about what “they saw”. “Tell us what you saw Jim.” “Tell us what happen there Judy.” “Tell us what it’s like where you’re at Jam-Goo, the dancing sheep dog” Who cares? Just tell me if I’m going to die in the flood.

Truth is, I’m just jealous of anyone who gets to do shadow puppets in front of a “green-screen”.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

October 25, 2008 at 5:26 am

2 Responses

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  1. Hello, I just wanted to let you know I will not be back. The reason is this damn grammer nazi.. My husband and I started this Blogger for FUN only and to read GREAT work.. Please, keep doing as you have.. I’ve REALLY enjoyed reading your point’s and ponder’s… And the Grammer Nazi is someone that follows you around telling me/your faults and how to type.. Well it’s gotten to the point were this is NOT fun anymore and he/she is scarring the shit out of me.. So my husband and I are going to shut this down.. I will miss reading your post’s keep up the good work.. Not til l8er


    October 25, 2008 at 1:06 pm

  2. I guess this response is vain, but I feel you deserve it anyway. I’m sorry to see you go and I hate the reason why. Shame on you Grammar Nazi! wavemaker2 you will be missed.

    Ramblin' Rooster

    October 26, 2008 at 5:35 am

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