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Post Halloween Candy Blues

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Halloween has come and gone once again. This year was the first time for all of my kids to decide that they were too old to go trick-or-treating. It made me kind of sad. You might be thinking it’s because the sweet, innocent years are passing with incredible speed and they seem to be getting older and bigger each day. You may be saying I feel sad because an era has come to an end and the time of becoming young adults is too soon approaching. Maybe your theory is that I can no longer ignore the fact that they are no longer “my babies”. You couldn’t be more wrong.

I’m sad because my candy supply was drastically diminished to just the lousy leftovers from the “door” candy. I finished the last of it today at lunch. It’s only the 6th of November! It use to be that the three, giant, pumpkin-pails would last all the way to New Year’s. Now what am I going to do? Lazy, punk, kids! All I can say, is that I’m glad I made the right decision by turning off the porch light at 7:30 pm.

I used to think that “Fun Size” candy was moronic. I use to think, “What’s so fun about it? It’s small and tiny. That’s no fun at all.” This year, it finally clicked. It’s “fun” to see how many I can fit in my mouth at one time. It’s “fun” to see how many I can eat in one hour. It’s “fun” to see how many I have to eat before I vomit. Yea, fun!

I wonder where they came up with that idea or what that board meeting must have been like. “Everybody loves candy, sure, but we need to figure out a way to make it less intimidating.” “How ’bout we make it 1/5 the size and put “FUN” on the package?” “Genius!” I bet they paid a huge amount of money to some kind of marketing team or product research group, you know they did. “Hey, we need to jazz up candy. It’s just so dull and boring. We want it to be fun.” “Why don’t you ad “Fun Size” in the upper corner on the wrapper.” “Awesome, why didn’t we think of that?”

My favorite thing about the “Fun Size” is that it doesn’t seem to be proprietary to just one candy bar, they’re all “fun”. Doesn’t matter if you buy the cheap, yucky, candy or top of the line, expensive, import, luxury chocolate. “Fun” really is for everyone. What else can make that claim?

I suppose I just need another baby, a new one. If there’s anybody out there that wants to make a baby and will let me have it every Halloween, drop me a line.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


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