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Archive for November 8th, 2008

I Killed Bambi’s Mother

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My whole life, my whole career as a licenced driver has fallen from my perfect “no kill” record. Yes, it’s true, I hit a deer last night.

For those of you keeping track at home on your score card, I had just bought a new car recently. So recently in fact, that I have only made one payment. Now the cars sits at some strange body shop, probably wondering why I made it an accessory to murder then abandoned it with strangers. Please forgive me car.

Here’s how things went down. I picked up my daughter in a rural, little town and was heading back on a dark, two lane blacktop in the middle of nowhere. We began having a lovely conversation when all of sudden five deer started entering the highway. I slammed on my breaks, swerved as far away from them as I could, but to no avail, I hit the leader. I immediately called the highway patrol and they asked for the mile marker where it happened, if everyone was alright and said I was free to go.

As I kept driving, I kept hearing “chunks” of my car falling off. I could tell that I lost a headlight, but figured I needed to pull over to check things out. I stopped at the next rest area. As I pulled up in the parking stall, my headlight frame fell out and I drove over it. I got out and looked, it was bad, but as my daughter said, it could have been a lot worse. A trucker who had stopped for his evening jog around the parking lot, (don’t ask, we’ll veer too far away from this story) brought over some duct tape to help keep my fender up, off the wheel. He too told me how lucky I was by telling me the story of his sister who lives in Minnesota that hit a deer and how it came through her windshield and she had to go to the hospital. I thanked him, got back in my car and headed for home. I could still hear piece after piece fall from my car as I drove. Every time I drove over a dip or low spot in the pavement, some hangy-down part would scrape the road. All I could think of was, “Please let me make it home, please!”

It took a long time for the shock to wear off and I felt extremely bad for the deer, (get your score cards out again) because I love animals. I’m one of those people that doesn’t even stop to think about a person being killed in a movie, but clinches up and holds my breath if an animal is in danger. I also started to feel bad about being so concerned for my car, but come on, it still has the “new car smell”. I never cared for my cars, ever, but this was the one car I was going to try and keep nice, to protect and take care of.

The next day I took my car in and got a rental. They only had two to choose from and when asked which one I wanted, I foolishly said, “I don’t care.” The one they gave me was filthy, stinky, the seat was terribly uncomfortable, (oddly uncomfortable and dipped down in front, making you lean forward towards the steering wheel) and my head touched the roof. I drove it home only to turn around to take it back to swap for the other one. They were fine with swapping and in no time I was out the door and into my new rental car. The parking lot was flat, (meaning there were no curb stops) so I started the car, put the gear in drive and started to leave. Instantly,  I heard a grinding/scraping noise. I got out and looked and I’ll be darned if there wasn’t a traffic cone under the car. I got back in and had to back up to get it out. All I could think about were the people watching me, thinking to themselves, “He just dropped off his car that he wrecked and now he can’t even make it out of the parking lot. He ain’t gonna make it.”

The ironic part of the whole thing, was driving back after the accident, after the initial shock wore off and passing along the message from my son to my daughter that I had just picked up. I kid you not, he really told me to say this, “Tell her I said hello and I hope she enjoys her drive in” Fat chance.

You think I could blame him for cursing the drive and thus causing the accident?

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 8, 2008 at 5:29 am