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It’s A Wonder We’re Not All Gay

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Now that I am all grown up, it seems the older I get the more I think back about my childhood. Sometimes it’s for nostalgia, but mainly it’s for trying to figure out how I got to be the way I am. No, I haven’t made any real progress, but my mother and Billy from the 3rd grade are my major suspects.

When I was a boy, homosexuality wasn’t very prevalent where I grew up. I’m sure it was present in my town, but I was never aware of it until much later in life. So at the time of growing up, I didn’t pick up on the overwhelming evidence that society was subconsciously trying to turn everyone gay.

The following is a list of behavior/situations I was made to participating in:

-As a child, I was only allowed for boys to sleep over, never girls.

-In junior high, after gym class, I was forced to shower with all the other boys. You’d think if you wanted to be a stinky child, you’d have that right, but no.

-When I wanted a girl to come over, she was never allowed to be in my room with the door closed. Again, when in the company of boys no regulatory action was taken.

Another thing that has inspired me to be a conspiracy theorist is the lingerie magazine. Almost every woman I know has or has had a lingerie magazine in their home. These magazines are filled with professional, computer enhanced, sometimes medical altered, beautiful women. Every woman I’ve asked will say that they think the models are beautiful. Which is a trick to try to get you to say that Frank from accounting is attractive. Also girls have always been allowed to call their same-sex friends, girlfriends. So logically, a naive male child would think that his male friends are his boyfriends, which as I’m sure you all know is extremely taboo terminology in the hetero-world.

Bathrooms are another bizarre social situation. Why are we split up between men and women? What further contradicts the custom is that it’s not practiced in private, only in public. It wouldn’t seem so weird if you went to a friends house and needed to use the bathroom and your went down the hall to find two doors, one with the man symbol and one with the female symbol. I’m hypothesizing that it’s so women can talk in private whilst in restaurants and bars. Honestly, why do we separate to go to the bathroom? If the reason stems anywhere near a sexual side, then wouldn’t their need to be four doors? Or would lesbians and straight men be in one room and women and gay men in the other? 

I suppose you could sum up the confusion best with a quote from my pastor. “I don’t care if you are a lesbian, as long as you’re a man.” Now that I type that, maybe that was just some drunk guy at the bar last weekend…

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 13, 2008 at 6:31 am

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