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Archive for November 16th, 2008

The Secret Life Of My Mother

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After my mother died, I found a diary she kept under her mattress. It’s weird to think that a grown woman would do something that seems so childish as to hide a diary under her mattress, but she did. I couldn’t help but to read it and figured if she was dead, she wouldn’t get mad at me. After reading it I was shocked as to find out who my mother was and the secret life she had lead. I wished that my father was still alive so I could ask him if he knew about what I had read. Of all the things to take to your grave…

Here are some passages. I’ve edited and condensed some of the entries, but I tried to stay true to the text:

-“I remember the first time I knew what it meant to be a woman, to have power over a man. The kind of power that would follow me for a long time. Laurie’s [my mother’s sister] boyfriend was over one night and the two of them sat on the couch watching TV. I don’t know if they were just really into the show they were watching or just bored with each other, but as soon as I came down the stairs in my nightgown his eyes never left my body. I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I bent over to get the milk, purposely and seductively for his gaze. At that moment I could of asked him to do anything and he would have done it with out blinking or thinking. It was then that I knew that I could control any man I chose.”

-“When I got out of high school some of my friends were getting married and some were going on to college. Later, it seemed that they were only going to college in order to shop around for a husband because they had been so unsuccessful in trapping a man in high school. I never wanted to go to college, nor did I feel a need to expand my intellect. Who am I trying to impress and why would I try to do it with my mind when God has obviously blessed me with this face and body? I spent a couple of years just traveling around the states. Drifting would probably be a better word for it, because I was letting the wind steer my course. I wound up in Chicago and it wasn’t long before I met Daniel [not my dad!]. He wanted to take pictures of me, trying to convince me I could be a model. It wasn’t long before he was asking that I took my clothes off. It wasn’t much of a decision to make after I saw the stack of bills on the table.”

-“After three years of posing for Daniel, the road had run its course. Pictures were no longer good enough for him and he wanted me to perform sex acts for motion picture. I didn’t care what the amount was being offered, there’s just some things a girl shouldn’t do for money. When you’re as beautiful as me, you don’t have to be desperate, you just have to be smart and know when to say goodbye. I’m taking the money I have saved up and I’m hitting the road again at first light.”

-“It’s been three months since I left Daniel and the money is all gone. I’ve been looking for a regular job, but it doesn’t seem that I’m the kind of girl that professional men want. And by that I mean working for them. Maybe it’s because I’m too beautiful. I’ve taken a job at a club by the airport. It’s a gentleman’s club, but the men that are patrons here are anything thing but gentlemen. I’m not thrilled about having their dirty hands on my ass, but the money is outrageous. This seems to be a very fast moving business and the hours are only a few a night. I find myself becoming exhausted and have trouble finding the energy to keep going. One of the other girls that works here gave me something to keep me going, she called it cocaine.”


Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

November 16, 2008 at 5:27 am