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Am I Paranoid or Just Irrationally Suspicious?

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How can I tell if I’m paranoid? Isn’t an internal discussion about it enough to at least qualify for honorary paranoia? Can you hear me? Do you work for the government?

There’s a huge difference between the meth-head paranoid and the average, every day paranoid person. First of all, the latter isn’t on meth, (or are they?). The average person doesn’t sit in a empty apartment with blankets over the windows and piles of trash surrounding them, lost in their mind, contemplating conspiracy theories as they dig through the carpet for “chips” or “flakes”, (or do they?). The average person doesn’t wear tin-foil helmets, use pay phones, (good luck finding one) or refuse to lick envelopes because of anthrax or cockroach larva infection scare, (or do they?). Alright, enough of that…

Even so, the average, every day person has moments or times where paranoia strikes regardless of how strong they are emotionally or mentally.

Here’s where the average person gets caught up in “innocent” paranoia. Sometimes you just can’t help it. 

  • Cop car behind you. Instant paranoia, even if you’re following the law to the letter and have never committed even the mistiest of misdemeanors, you just know that cop is going to pull you over.
  • As you walk by, a group of people laugh and then go silent. Instant paranoia, they just have to be making fun of you, what else could it be? Doesn’t matter if you’re the coolest, hottest human alive, these strangers have found fault in you, enough to laugh at!
  • Car behind you that makes several of the same turns or lane changes as you. Instant paranoia, they have to be following you. No one could be using public streets to go in the same direction or be headed to the same destination as you. That’d be impossible.
  • Farting sound made, either by a leather chair, squeaky shoe, stomach rumblings, on accident through your lips by some weird exhale moment, doesn’t matter, just anything that’s close to a farting sound. Instant paranoia, because who wants to be known as someone who farts?!
  • Going on vacation. Time released paranoia, depending on who you are, will determine severity of paranoia, but no matter what, you’ll think you left something turned on, unlocked or forgot something important.
  • Trying to impress a romantic interest. Time released paranoia, have you ever tried to be romantic and left a gift for someone to find, someone with whom you’re not very close to? You’re trying to sweet, but after the deed is done or the gift is left, you can’t help but to think what this person will think of you and if that thought will be, “What a psycho!”

The list goes on and on, but I’m afraid if I keep going, you’ll stop reading.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

December 19, 2008 at 5:05 am

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