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Archive for December 20th, 2008

A Cool Boss?

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I guess a lot of people would say having a cool boss would be the greatest thing on earth, but I’m not one of those people. There’s just something creepy about a cool boss.

First of all we need to establish/define a cool boss. In my opinion a cool boss is someone who seems more like a peer than a boss. A cool boss would never give you a hard time about being a couple of minutes late in the morning or coming back from lunch. A cool boss doesn’t give you a hard time if you need to leave early or make you prove and explain in great detail what you are doing if you ask for time off, (even if it’s just for an hour or so). A cool boss lets you wear jeans to the office on Wednesday. A cool boss lets you make personal calls, listen to your MP3 player at work and visit web sites on company time. You can crack a dirty, clean, politically correct or incorrect joke, talk about getting “three sheets to the wind” drunk last night or some crazy, weird encounter you had with someone in college to your cool boss. Basically a cool boss is like a good friend. You don’t fear, scare or become uncomfortable around your cool boss. In fact your cool boss is your best friend in the office. Sometimes you just sit in their office and shoot the breeze with them.

Now you’re really confused as to why I’m not on this train, huh? This is why it’s bad. Cool bosses are destroying professionalism. Cool bosses turn professional people into heroine addicted hippies and those who are already unprofessional begin to thrive and nourish themselves into unprofessional nightmares that can’t be stopped. Before you know it we’ll all be wearing rope sandals and playing hacky sack in the conference room. Lunch will be four hours long, followed by nap time and a client will be “lottery ticket lucky” to ever get anyone on the phone, (but what will they care? They were probably just taking a break from their Frisbee golf game, calling you back from the message you left three months ago.)

Your boss shouldn’t be cool, nor should they be your friend. You should almost wet your pants every time your boss comes around the corner. You should hide your eyes, your personal belongings and every aspect of your personal life from a real boss. Why, you shouldn’t even know the first name of your boss in a perfect world. Bosses are meant to be mean and nasty. They should make you want to work overtime for free because of the stern and firm wake they leave behind just by being in the office. You should want to always stay clear of your boss and would never want to initiate a conversation. A real boss rules with an iron fist, is a dictator and near shows any sign of humanity. Your boss doesn’t eat, sleep or use the bathroom and if by some chance they have a spouse, it’s because they are a business partner for business-social events. If they have kids it’s because of the tax breaks.

To be a real boss you must have a black heart, have lost or sold your soul and above all, without exception can not circulate blood in your veins, (because that’s were the ice goes).

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

December 20, 2008 at 6:26 am