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Bumper Sticker Laziness

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Bumper stickers are a silly animal, aren’t they? Just the idea of having something to read on a moving object, while you, yourself are driving and need to be concentrating, (some of us more than others). I suppose you could stumble upon one in a parking lot, but you usually notice them at stop lights. A lot of the time you notice the bumper sticker and end up having to pull up, nearly bumping the person, to try and read it.

Bumper stickers that have small print should be against the law. It’s a strain enough to read most of them, but a safe-sized font should be regulated and enforced. That way the cops could have a new reason to pull you over. “Excuse me sir, do you know why I pulled you over? You bumper sticker font is less than 24 point.” Why not? The government loves to regulate and citizens are crazy about being regulated, it’s perfect.

Bumper stickers that are about current events, most commonly being political slogans/names, are the worst decision to paste onto your car. If your person doesn’t win, then you’re stuck with a “loser” tattooed on your car forever.

Also expensive luxury cars that have bumper stickers on them really bother me. I can’t afford a luxury car and seeing someone defile, disrespect and degrade them just boggles my mind, especially when the sticker is mindless nonsense. I once saw a spiffy, beautiful, brand new BMW that had an “I [heart symbol] MY BMW” sticker on it. Really? I’d think if you loved it, you wouldn’t affix a 30 cent piece of crap to it. The kind of car that should have a bumper stick on it should be a car that smokes, rattles, has body damage, is very old, rusty and makes a very loud noise while running. The kind of car that you don’t lock the doors when you park in a public parking lot or care if the windows are down when it rains. If a bumper sticker can improve the appearance of the car, then that’s a car that deserves it.

The thing I hate most about bumper stickers is what I call the “lingering” bumper sticker or as it’s known on the streets, the “punk bitch” bumper sticker. You might have seen this yourself while cruising around town. It seems to occur when private citizens sell their cars to each other. One person who owns their car puts a bumper sticker on it. Years later they go to sell it and find a buyer. The new owner takes the car home and tries to remove the bumper sticker, but since it was placed by another spirit it clings to the surface for dear life. Usually just a corner is torn off or a long, thin strip through the middle, but never makes the message of the bumper sticker unreadable. Ironically, the message of the “lingering” bumper sticker is always in conflict or contradiction to the new owner. Say a young pro-choice girl buys her first car from an old lady, there’s a 99% chance that the old lady put a pro-life bumper sticker on it.

If you’re going to remove a bumper sticker, remove it. Break out some toxic chemicals or a razor blade, put some backbone into it, but get it off if you want it off. There’s nothing more ridiculous and tacky in appearance than a “lingering” bumper sticker. Plus it says to the world, “I don’t believe in the message, but I’m too lazy to remove it.” The only thing worse than that would be dying in a car accident trying to read a small print bumper sticker with dirty underwear on, oh parish the thought. Think of your poor mother!

I like bumper stickers best when their on a rack at a store or on a T-shirt.

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

December 22, 2008 at 3:55 am

2 Responses

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  1. Bumper stickers are little insights about people I don’t want to know. Just because I’m behind you at a light doesn’t mean I want to know your stand on things. I’ve always wondered why drivers assume I care about their politics or how green they may be while I’m just trying to get somewhere.

    I liked this post a lot.


    January 2, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    • Reid, dig your comments, totally agree with you. Thanks for the kind words and give yourself 88 Ramblin’ Rooster bucks for coming back.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      January 3, 2009 at 3:42 am

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