Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

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Diamond Ring Nonsense

with 4 comments

“Two months salary”, “Every kiss begins with Kay”, “He went to Jared’s”. Read these phrases, memorize them and keep them close to your gun. For they are the works of evil doers, of mad men, of heinous geniuses belonging to a secret, underground cult, bent on destroying the world one relationship at a time.


I don’t know if you are aware of this, but unless your spend a large amount of money for a piece of jewelry, better known as a diamond ring, the love in your heart is dead. Two months salary, what? In case you didn’t know I need two months salary just to get by this month.


I’m actually somewhat surprised that people still believe in marriage. It seems like it’s kind of an outdated tradition. I’m not even sure if marriage was meant for common people, (also known as poor people). If I had to guess, and I do, my theory of marriage is that it originated for business purposes. The bringing together of families, merging land, amassing wealth, things like that. So it would make sense that a large and expensive “rock” around a woman’s finger would be just another way for the rich to throw around their money.


I also hypothesis that there was some peasant farmer that wanted to romance some peasant girl and he devised a plan to “woo her” by making her feel like she wasn’t a peasant girl. So he made a ring out of straw and mud and put it on her finger. He probably told her she was his queen or a princess of some garbage like that. She was of course “swept off her feet” and they married. As you know, any good idea someone hatches is immediately stolen, repeated and copied. So all these peasants started making rings to impress women and two thousand years later I’m at the mall with a cooler containing one of my kidneys, bartering for a ring.


To be honest I can’t tell the difference between an $8000 diamond and an $80 cubic zirconium. Maybe if I was close up on them and could give them a good inspection I’d be able to tell, but who knows. When are you ever going to be examining someone’s ring? It’s just an indication of social status on a finger. What’s the big deal? Why do I have to sell everything I own to get a ring to ask some chick, (whom I’ll probably get divorced from) to marry me? A ring doesn’t have anything to do with love? Or does it? Would a ring out of a bubble gum machine not mean as much as Mercedes, er… I mean diamond ring, (got mixed up there since they’re the same price)?


The only other reason for a ring is to claim property. “That’s my wife; see the trip we could have taken to Spain with around her finger?” “She’s married; see the ring on her finger?” “Who’s that lovely woman? Oh dang it, she’s married. Notice how her left arm hangs lower because of the giant diamond ring on her finger.” It’s all of bunch of hooey.


Instead of buying an expensive ring, why not put it towards an awesome honeymoon, or a down payment for a house or a good divorce attorney?


Egg On!



Written by Ramblin' Rooster

January 26, 2009 at 2:33 am

4 Responses

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  1. Solomon: ‘All is VANITY’
    btw, I also need 2 months salary worth.
    Roost on Ramblin R.


    January 26, 2009 at 3:01 am

    • pochp, you’ve just made a double hat trick. You’re mother is crying, (tears of joy) somewhere and you’ve earned a whopping 176 Ramblin’ Rooster bucks. Thanks for all your comments.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      January 27, 2009 at 4:53 am

  2. Rooster, I haven’t visited in a while but tonight I dropped by and read two of your recent posts. This one is by far the funniest one yet. You make me laugh and I want to thank you for that. Keep writing…


    January 28, 2009 at 3:49 am

    • befuddledandbewildered, I want to say thank you for your kind words. I’m glad you find humor in this blog. I also appreciate your comments. You have, by the way, earned the honorary hat trick comment award of 88 Ramblin Rooster bucks. Congratulations!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      January 28, 2009 at 4:11 am

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