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Archive for February 3rd, 2009

Lost At The Bathroom Doors

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When I was a bachelor I ate out for pretty much every meal. Fast food was my choice, because of the convenience, price and accessibility. I always ate small portions and always ordered off the cheap menu. Plus I never ordered a drink, (kept a two liter at home). In doing all of this I was able to keep the cost to a minimum and it suited me just fine.


After I got married things really didn’t change much, except now I was buying for four or five instead of just one. Things got expensive and fast. It was then that I came up with the brilliant idea that we would no longer eat fast food through out the week and save all of that money we were spending, (or just me) and put it towards one “nice, sit down, bring us our food, restaurant”. So the family now enjoys a Sunday lunch/dinner out on the town once a week.


Everything seemed to be going OK, but after a while the restaurant scene started to resemble the fast food scene in a lot of ways. The only thing that was really different was that it was really expensive. In hindsight it makes sense. There are only so many restaurants in any given city, eventually you eat at all of them. The ones that you return to have good nights and bad nights, then there’s times you try ordering something you’ve never tried before, (just to spice things up) and you end up hating it, but hey, it only cost twenty dollars.


So I’ve been to more restaurants than any human probably should. One thing that makes me feel really bad is when I go to a theme restaurant. Doesn’t matter if it’s Australian, Mexican, Asian or Mediterranean, it only matters on how far they go with the “theme”. More to the point is did they place exotic, foreign, native names on the bathroom doors.


This is almost embarrassing to admit, but sometimes when I get up to go to the bathroom I have a moment where I feel like the most stupid person on earth. There’s nothing more pathetic than being a grown man standing in the little hallway between the bathroom doors wondering which one is suppose to be “men”. I would even venture to guess that the girls and boys, traditionally, are supposed to be on a certain side. Truth be told, I’ve never really paid much attention to it. Is the women’s always on the left?


Anyway it totally sucks to have to think about it. Most of the time it only lasts a second or two, but that’s a long time to feel retarded “mentally below par”, (that’s for you Michael). That’s why it should be a federal law that you have to have the stick figure on the door regardless of the name you put above it.


So if you ever go out dining and you see a man urinating in the water fountain, let me just apologize in advance and please don’t call him names because he feels dumb enough as it is.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 3, 2009 at 4:30 am