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Drowning In Disclaimers

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I don’t know about you, but the world I remember was a scary one. When I was a kid doctors smoked while examining you. Infants were laid on the front seat, wedged in with a book while traveling in a car. Boiling hot coffee came in a cup that didn’t tell you that you were holding boiling hot coffee and albums didn’t warn parents of their explicit content. The list goes on and on. Boy, those were horrible times.


This is all a very gray area for me, because I become a little hypocritical. On the one hand, I think the abundance of warning labels and disclaimers is silly and ridiculous. Most of the time they really state the obvious and when they don’t, it’s usually something that people really should know. An example would be like, “Cigarettes contain toxins that will kill you”. Who doesn’t know that? Who is that for? Does anyone pick up a pack of cigarettes and read the box, screech in horror, put them down and walk away telling themselves, “That was close, I almost bought those. Good thing that warning label was there. Did you know that cigarettes were bad for you?” Another good one is frozen pizza. “Must be thoroughly cooked”, really? Who the hell would eat a frozen pizza still frozen? How would you eat a frozen pizza still frozen? My all time favorite is the silica pack. You know that little bag of granulated silica that comes in every product you buy? It says right there, “DO NOT EAT”. I love this because I imagine someone buying a pair of shoes, let’s say, take them home, open them up and then they see it. “Awesome! I bought these shoes and I got this bonus tiny bag of what looks to be rock salt. I love eating rock salt!” Come on, totally unnecessary.


On the other hand, I must admit that I like disclaimers too. I like hearing television and radio car ads at the very end when the speed talker, (or freelancing auctioneer) rattles off four pages worth of exclusions at a rate that no one can absorb, let alone understand. I like television shows that tell me “not to try this at home”, “reproduce the effects of” or “seek the advice of a qualified professional”. It is even better when the television show is doing something that I could never reproduce in the first place, like seeing if a compact car’s side impact airbags can withstand a collision with a semi-truck. “Hey honey, let’s go buy a big rig and drive into the side of your minivan this weekend. I just want to see if you live.” I even like giving out me own disclaimers from time to time. “OK, I’ll try it, but I’m not very good.” “I’m not saying I won’t stop by your party, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to make it there either.” “If your mother comes over here there’s a good chance that I won’t talk to you for the rest of the month or that the police will be called to our house.”


Regardless of my personal feelings, conflicting as they are, it’s really all null and void. Disclaimers aren’t going anywhere; in fact they’re the wave of the future. You can expect to see more and more of them every day, everywhere you go. It won’t be long before you won’t be able to say, do, buy, sell, or consume anything without having a warning appetizer.


“Views and opinions expressed here within are the sole opinion of the author and do not reflect those of WordPress, and their subsidiaries. Blog is unrated, has not been edited and may contain material unsuitable for all ages. Reader assumes full responsibility.” Or something like that.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 10, 2009 at 5:40 am

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