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Archive for February 15th, 2009

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Ah, Valentine’s Day, or as I like to call it VD Day. It’s what keeps 8 million flower shops in business across this great country of ours. Roses are red, violets are blue, today is Valentine’s, so I spent money on you. What better way to say I love you than a box of chocolate and flowers that live for about a day and half. Oh, I know, a store bought card that tells your “special someone” how you feel about them using someone else’s words. Excellent!


I won’t spend too much time trashing Valentine’s Day. If you’re a regular reader of Ramblin’ Rooster you know I’m not keen to holidays, especially one that carries more guilt to buy stuff than any other. You can argue Christmas, but no one says. “It’s better to give than receive” on Valentine’s. Maybe they do, but you can’t hear it over, “Where are my flowers, chocolates and diamond necklace?! I thought you loved me?!?!?!”


What I want to trash tonight is romance. To keep the fight fair, I’m not talking about being “sweet” or “nice” or even “considerate”. If you pick up a candy bar in the check-out aisle for no reason other than to just give it to your “lover” because you were thinking of them, that’s sweet. If you hold the door open for someone, that’s nice. If you don’t drop the F-bomb at a parent-teacher conference, that’s considerate, but if you line the stairs with rose petals, burn candles, got Barry White going, and are sitting next to a bucket of ice with champagne in it, wearing a silk robe and bedroom eyes, that’s a stereotypical attempt at romance.


What is the purpose of romance? The answer is sex. Go ahead and get huffy and puffy, I don’t mind. Once you calm down, you know you can’t disagree. When a person first meets someone they’re interested in, they will try all they can to make the object of their desire “like them”. They may very well indeed pull out all the romantic tricks they know to try and impress their target. Don’t kid yourself, the whole point is to initiate sexual contact and as you know once that happens, it’s all down hill from there.


You always hear it around this time, a lot of the married folk saying things like, “I’m lucky to get a card” or “I got flowers just like always” and “We’re going out to eat at a restaurant we eat at all the time”. Unless you have fresh prey, Valentine’s is just a nuisance, an annoyance, a thorn in your side, (that amazingly stops hurting on February 15th).


So all you young lovers out there enjoy today while you can, for it is fleeting. You will grow old and tired and with it watch your desires run out the door like dogs after the mailman. Don’t worry though, once on the other side you’ll be relieved at how much money you save.


Will you be my Valentine?


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 15, 2009 at 2:10 am