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Archive for February 19th, 2009

I Forgot Choked Up

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Five days ago I wrote a blog titled, ‘I’d Rather Kill Myself Than Inflict Self Injury’. It wasn’t until last night, after looking through my notes, that I discovered I had forgotten to add to the list, “Choking on you own saliva”. This really sucks because it is by far my favorite and probably number one on the look-uncool-with-idiotic-behavior list.


I thought about editing the “I’d Rather Kill Myself..” blog, but decided to give choking on saliva it’s own page. Not only because it’s so incredibly embarrassing, but in an attempt to make it feel better with flattery and once again be in its good graces.


First of all, there is nothing sillier, more dorky, more ridiculous, more stupid, (or any other adjective you want to add) than chocking yourself. It’s so bad because if you’re with another person or people, they see no sign or warning of it coming on. All they see is your turning red and coughing and they think to themselves, “What the hell is wrong with that guy?” “I don’t know. We were just sitting here and all of sudden he started choking.” You yourself have a short warning right before the devastating attack, but it’s worthless. It’s not like you’re going to tell someone, “Hold on a minute, I’m about to start chocking on my spit. Please excuse me.”


How is it even possible to choke on your own saliva? You’d think the amazing machine that your body is would be able to avoid sending liquid to your lungs. I know it’s hard at work performing all kinds of actions, but trying to suffocate itself seems like a pretty easy task to avoid. Your saliva isn’t necessarily sticky, but it’s no water or any other potable liquid. It’s not like you can’t manage your spit. I’ve been know to drool while I sleep, but I’ve never had a mouthful of saliva come falling out of mouth because it “got away from me”. You don’t even have a large quantity on hand to begin with. The glands just slowly leak into your mouth, it’s not a faucet and you do not have to swallow large amounts quickly over long periods of time.


Imagine if the unthinkable became your fate. What if you did accidentally kill yourself with your own saliva? How horrible would that be? Could there be any more of a “rip-off” death? Would you go to Hell? How would you explain that in the afterlife, (assuming you get to hang out on clouds and talk to people)? You think you’ve dealt with stress and being angry, I can’t even tell you how pissed I’d be to wake up on the “other side” and find out I choked to death on my spit. I’d probably die again after exploding. You just shouldn’t have to worry about choking on your own spit. I hope they fix that in the next release.


I bet animals and extra-terrestrials don’t choke on their saliva.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

February 19, 2009 at 4:50 am