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Archive for March 19th, 2009

Women and Laundry

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As you know, I’m just coming off being electronically dead. It was no picnic and at times I felt as though I was starring in a depression control medication commercial, (except for the fact that I never wore sweat pants). What’s a rooster to do with no computer to peck at? Watch television of course!


I don’t know if you’ve ever watched television, but in case you haven’t let me explain it to you. There are these annoying six to eight minute segments of programming called “shows”. They can be about all kinds of things, but they’re really just there to give you a chance to go to the bathroom or grab a snack so you don’t miss the whole reason to watch television. That reason is commercials and they’re awesome!


Commercials let me know what’s happening in the world better than any stupid news show. Commercials are the voice and reflection of what the world is really thinking and feeling. Commercials are better than any drug or source of euphoria you can get, because in commercials the world is perfect. There’s always peace and political correctness going on that let’s me know where I should be in my own moral decision making. You see I trust marketers, because it’s they’re job to pander to all of us. They can’t say or do anything that doesn’t hit home or they’d be out on the street. This is why you don’t see young, hip hop kids trying to sell the elderly Jitterbug phone, or grandma selling condoms, it just wouldn’t fly. Commercials can’t lie; they are the only truth in America!


So when I see laundry soap commercials come on television that have a young man talking to women as a group, a room full or individually, one-on-one via a street corner about stains and washing soap technology I know it’s for real. The thing of it is I never see any men in the commercials being talked to about the soap or their laundry needs/worries/concerns. I guess it’s because men don’t do laundry, only women do and apparently they love it because they get somewhat excited about the grass, coffee, blueberry, mud stain coming out of Billy’s soccer uniform.


This is all very important to me, because it helps me in my own life. In my house I use to do a lot of laundry, but after seeing these commercials I know that I’m denying my wife a pleasure in life. So I told her, “Honey, I’m sorry that I’ve been keeping you from a joyous and pleasurable experience in your life and I promise never to do it again. That’s why I pledge to never do another load of laundry ever.”


In loving memory-

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

March 19, 2009 at 3:52 am