Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

100 Calorie Pack My Ass

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I’ve been told time and time again, by a variety of sources that America is under attack from an epidemic. That epidemic would be morbid obesity. I can’t think of anything being more horribly named than morbid obesity. Just hearing that would make me want to die. Weight seems to be a non-stop topic of this country and if you’ve ever spent time with a woman, especially long enough for the butterflies to wear off, you definitely know all about how obsessed people can become with weight. You might be asking yourself, what does my television has to say about this. Funny you should ask, because right now it’s screaming, “100 calorie pack”. I’ve always been impressed with science and the amazing achievements that can come from people with brains the size of planets. Figuring out how the human body works, exploring space, discovering cures for disease, tracking the history of the world and taking a dessert that I love and reducing the calories in it. Incredible! There are two things here that really trip my trigger. One is that they can make something an exact calorie count. Isn’t it like “in the ballpark of” or “pretty damn close to”? How can they be so sure of themselves? I wish I had that kind of confidence. Two is the fact that diet or reduced calorie consumables are disgusting. What makes a sweet taste good? The answer is fat and sugar, especially if it’s fried. On occasion there have been moments in my life where I have accidentally been served or for one reason or another had to drink a diet soda pop. Although I’m exaggerating, I’d rather drink urine than diet pop. I’ve actually had people tell me that they prefer the taste of diet drinks. These are the people that I avoid in life. These are the people, right or wrong, that I want nothing to do with ever. Diet food and reduce calorie items are just wrong. There is no diet food growing naturally in the universe. You can argue that this fruit or this vegetable is good for you, blah, blah, blah, but that’s not what I’m saying. My point is that you can’t go up to an apple tree and pick a reduced calorie apple. There’s only the one selection. The same goes for desserts. You shouldn’t be able to eat a box full of cookies and feel OK because it was reduced calories. You should just eat a few “full fat fledged maximum calorie cookies” like a sane person. Don’t waste the gift of taste on something diet. That’s just crazy. In closing, I read in a highly creditable nutritional magazine that diet and reduced calorie items were invented by Satan. Egg On! Ramblin’ Rooster

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

March 30, 2009 at 4:03 am

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