Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Kraft Food Crafted From Plastic

with 4 comments

Seems like for the last couple of days I’ve been writing about food, so I thought I’d go one more day and try to get it out of my system. I usually don’t like to mention brand name products or drop company names for the simple fact that I don’t believe in helping them out any more than they want to help me out. Tonight has to be different because I simply can not talk trash on Kraft food without saying Kraft.

 

I don’t know if you were aware of this or not, but the main and base ingredient of all the products on the Kraft menu is plastic. Not just any old plastic, but high yield polymer. The best money can buy from any third world nation.

 

This all came about after I was at a national chain supermarket trying to buy French onion dip. I admit I didn’t spend a lot of time looking, but it seemed like there was only one choice of dip and if there was more than one the others seemed a lot less enticing, (by far). Anyway, the kind that I got was made by Kraft. I took it home, got my chips out, popped the top on the dip and much to my surprise inside the container was the weirdest looking dip I’ve ever seen. You know how most dip is kind of gross looking because the oil of “juice” has separated from the cream, (or whatever) and you need to stir it to get it right? Well, this one didn’t look like that at all. It had the consistency of spackling. You could turn the whole thing upside down and it wouldn’t move. It was hard to even dip the chips into it. They’d keep breaking and you’d have to hold the chip down low at the base, practically running your finger tips through the dip on each pass. Days later, when most dip is in desperate need of a quick mixing; the Kraft dip was exactly the same as it was when I first opened it.

 

Kraft just seems to have a weird flavor to everything they make, manufacture and process. Nothing they sell has a normal, natural, or simple taste. It’s all very “factory” and “by-producty” or just plain scary. The cheese powder for the macaroni and cheese is the most unnatural and scariest color I’ve ever seen. Show me one other thing in this whole world that has that same color. You can’t, because that color doesn’t exist. I’m surprised that the human eye can even recognize it. You’d think it’d just burn a hole in your retina. Before I get too far out on my rant, I should say I don’t have anything against Kraft personally, I just think their food is made of plastic and uniquely gross.

 

Maybe this is all because I’m tired of people making fun of my buddy the Twinkies and its incredibly long shelf life. Why would that be a bad thing? You never have to worry about it going bad. You could buy you’re niece a Twinkie when she was born and give it to her when she graduated from college. That’s convenience at its best!

 

Beside, shelf life means nothing compared to cheese powder you can see from space.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

March 31, 2009 at 3:12 am

4 Responses

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  1. That manufacturer is dangerous and should be sued.
    You should get a fat reward for discovering this.
    Ramble on!

    pochp

    March 31, 2009 at 4:02 am

    • pochp, if you’ll represent me in court I’ll go 50/50 with you on the winnings. Sound like a deal?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      April 1, 2009 at 1:55 am

  2. I like the idea. Shoot.

    pochp

    April 1, 2009 at 2:07 am

    • Meet me outside the court house at 9 AM sharp… or 9:30 and be sure to bring coffee, donuts, and jalapeno cheese logs.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      April 2, 2009 at 3:53 am


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