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Archive for April 3rd, 2009

Poor Brooms and Mops

with 4 comments

I never thought I’d see the day that I felt sorry for an inanimate object, but I was wrong. I see a lot of those “new” and “improved” manual sweepers with swiveling parts, liquids, special pads, fancy attachments and disposable this and that. In all of these advertising campaigns one thing is universal and that’s the hatred and disgust for brooms.

 

What the hell did the broom ever do to anybody? Does it really deserve being dragged through the mud in a smear campaign? How would like being told that you’re worthless with the world as the audience? Besides, just how worthless is a broom?

 

I’d like to see you sweep off a sidewalk with a delicate cleaning pad with citrus scent. Try cleaning up the wooden floor of a warehouse or fabrication building with your precious “dirt bunny trapping pocket technology”. How many pads would you have to go through, the whole box? I’ve not ever seen a shop length “handi-sweeper” either.

 

So that’s really the thing, these manual sweeps are for luxurious house use. You never see them out in the real world. Imagine going into the bathroom stall at a bar and trying to mop up the chili dog-tequila-beer back chaser-I just turned 21” puddle by the toilet with your swivel head broom-mop. Not gonna happen. In the industrial world the broom and mop reign supreme. There is no substitute. That’s why they’ve been around for two million years. If you want to get up your Chihuahua’s hair off your linoleum floor, sure go ahead and grab your fancy “sweeper”, but don’t come tell me that the broom and mop are inferior.

 

What about the witch? A broom has been a staple in her look for as long as there have been witches. You can’t have a witch trying to ride around on a sweeper, that’s preposterous! What about the famous scene from ‘Fantasia’ with Mickey and the brooms and the wizardry debacle? How stupid would it be to have it be full of bendy head sweepers? Pretty stupid.

 

A broom and mop have nostalgia. They’ve been with us and around us for the duration of mankind. There is an unspoken respect for the broom. It’s trustworthy, honest and always reliable. The mop has always been a staple of our culture for earning your keep, paying your dues and rolling up your sleeves to do the dirty work, the hard work and the work that no one wants to, but has to do.

 

Give all that up and what are you left with. Square house shoes on a stick, that’s what.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 3, 2009 at 11:51 pm

Shopping Cart Like No Other

with 2 comments

I don’t know for sure, but I have a really good feeling about this. Shopping carts are the last living relic, (still in use) of the medieval times torture era. Just think about it for a second. You know that what I’m saying is true, (or if you would rather) deep in your heart you know I’m right.

 

Just look at the design, (please excuse the crudity of my sketch).

shopping-cart

Notice how the lower rack is specifically designed to stick out just slightly further than the basket, as if to attempt to go unnoticed. This is what gives, what would otherwise be a much forgotten about, mundane item, a lethal, killer’s edge of mayhem and destruction. Not to mention pain, suffering, aggravation and explosive stress.

 

Don’t believe me? Take your kids to the store. If you don’t have kids you can substitute an irresponsible, space-case, nitwit, friend, who likes to not pay attention to where they’re going. Once at the store grab a shopping cart and ask your friend or child to push the cart. Now, just walk around the store, but you must walk in front of the shopping cart at all times. If you have legitimate shopping to do, be all means take care of your business, but if you’re there solely for purposes of scientific experimentation, you’ll have to walk around for a little while. The variable depends on the attention span of the person you have pushing the cart. How long will it take for them to “get bored” and “wander off into thought” and then literally try and follow that whimsical thought with their eyes and ignore the fact that you have stopped.

 

That’s when it happens, that’s when the innocent, inanimate, docile, shopping cart grows fangs and unleashes a blood lust not unlike the worst monsters or creatures from your most horrid of dreams. The cart bites at your ankles relentlessly, without warning or provocation. Depending on your body size and vigor of the “cart pusher”, the “bottom rack” can actually try to push your ankle underneath the cart, thus trying to pull you down and run you over. On occasion one can even cause the “bite” to be worse by being startled and jumping, kicking, or flailing and smacking their ankle into the cold, hard, steely, metal again or even another part of the leg. Some people have even been reported to have injured the other leg during a dramatic and over reactionary response.

 

I don’t know how long shopping cart technology will be with us in our culture, but it seems to have a “necessity” of carrying the $200 worth of junk food from the store to the trunk. So I doubt the shopping cart can be avoided in your life. Perhaps you can ask a partner to do all the shopping. Maybe offer to do all the unloading in the garage if they do all the physical, store shopping. I don’t know you’d have to work that out amongst yourselves. In the meantime, be aware, be cautious and for God’s sake, don’t let anyone push the cart that you wouldn’t trust the life of your ankles to.

 

This has been a public service announcement from http://www.roosteregg.com telling you and your family to be safe and remember that April is Shopping Cart Awareness Month.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 3, 2009 at 4:37 am