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Shopping Cart Like No Other

with 2 comments

I don’t know for sure, but I have a really good feeling about this. Shopping carts are the last living relic, (still in use) of the medieval times torture era. Just think about it for a second. You know that what I’m saying is true, (or if you would rather) deep in your heart you know I’m right.


Just look at the design, (please excuse the crudity of my sketch).


Notice how the lower rack is specifically designed to stick out just slightly further than the basket, as if to attempt to go unnoticed. This is what gives, what would otherwise be a much forgotten about, mundane item, a lethal, killer’s edge of mayhem and destruction. Not to mention pain, suffering, aggravation and explosive stress.


Don’t believe me? Take your kids to the store. If you don’t have kids you can substitute an irresponsible, space-case, nitwit, friend, who likes to not pay attention to where they’re going. Once at the store grab a shopping cart and ask your friend or child to push the cart. Now, just walk around the store, but you must walk in front of the shopping cart at all times. If you have legitimate shopping to do, be all means take care of your business, but if you’re there solely for purposes of scientific experimentation, you’ll have to walk around for a little while. The variable depends on the attention span of the person you have pushing the cart. How long will it take for them to “get bored” and “wander off into thought” and then literally try and follow that whimsical thought with their eyes and ignore the fact that you have stopped.


That’s when it happens, that’s when the innocent, inanimate, docile, shopping cart grows fangs and unleashes a blood lust not unlike the worst monsters or creatures from your most horrid of dreams. The cart bites at your ankles relentlessly, without warning or provocation. Depending on your body size and vigor of the “cart pusher”, the “bottom rack” can actually try to push your ankle underneath the cart, thus trying to pull you down and run you over. On occasion one can even cause the “bite” to be worse by being startled and jumping, kicking, or flailing and smacking their ankle into the cold, hard, steely, metal again or even another part of the leg. Some people have even been reported to have injured the other leg during a dramatic and over reactionary response.


I don’t know how long shopping cart technology will be with us in our culture, but it seems to have a “necessity” of carrying the $200 worth of junk food from the store to the trunk. So I doubt the shopping cart can be avoided in your life. Perhaps you can ask a partner to do all the shopping. Maybe offer to do all the unloading in the garage if they do all the physical, store shopping. I don’t know you’d have to work that out amongst yourselves. In the meantime, be aware, be cautious and for God’s sake, don’t let anyone push the cart that you wouldn’t trust the life of your ankles to.


This has been a public service announcement from telling you and your family to be safe and remember that April is Shopping Cart Awareness Month.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 3, 2009 at 4:37 am

2 Responses

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  1. You speak the truth. LMAO.

    Miss Behaving

    April 3, 2009 at 4:58 am

    • Miss Behaving, I assume you’ve fallen victim to the dreaded shopping cart attacks as well. I think this is what lead to the invention of the hightop sneaker. Thanks for commenting.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      April 3, 2009 at 11:24 pm

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