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Archive for April 25th, 2009

Enter the Fuzz

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This is part four of an ongoing series.

Please read:

Part 1 – I Fell Down and Hit My Head

Part 2 – Revenge Set For Picnic

Part 3 – Havoc Ensues

The story so far: Being made fun of at work by my co-workers after I was victimized by an office prank/accident, I got angry and sought revenge by dosing everyone at the company picnic with LSD laced brownies. Just as everyone was starting to freak out and have fun, the cops showed up.


It would seem to me, although I have no evidence to back up my theory, that never in the history of the “office picnic” have the cops ever showed up. This is definitely not something I took in account when I originally planned my revenge. I must say, you haven’t lived a full life until you’ve been at an acid party with a wide variety of people doing an even bigger variety of activities and six police officers standing at the door with their jaws on the floor. Honestly, how could you prepare yourself for a room full of white-collar weirdoes baked out on hallucinogenics?


Needless to say, I was slightly scared out of my whits by the presence of the police. I knew that this would somehow turn out bad for me. I started to think that maybe I should stand up and exude some kind of “psychedelic behavior” as a means to blend in with my peers. You know, an “I’m innocent, I had nothing to do with this, I’m a victim too” kind of thing. Before I could really even finish my thought I observed Mike greeting the officers of the law. He exchanged a few words with who I guess was “The Captain” of the force. Then, at the same time, they looked over as Mike pointed his finger straight at me. I didn’t know your heart could stop so suddenly and for so long without death actually occurring.


The cops walked over and surrounded me. In hindsight I guess I should have taken this as complimentary to my machismo. What was I going to do, go all PCP on them? Although that’d be the best damn bar stool story ever, “Did I ever tell you ‘bout the time I beat the shit out of six cops?” Anyway, they surrounded me and The Captain just looked at me in silence for a moment. I wonder if he was waiting to see if I’d blurt out something. Finally he spoke, “You. Outside.” It wasn’t much, but it was very powerful. I felt the strength of his words in my groin. Walking out, I caught sight of Mike smirking at me as though his plan had worked. Uncontrollably, words came forth from my mouth reminiscent to every action movie I’d ever seen. Still to this day I can’t believe I said those words, “Laugh it up, but when I get out, I’m coming for you.” Just like in the movies, that wiped the joy from his face.


Outside, some officers were talking to other party-goers and an ambulance was pulling up, (talk about overreacting). I saw a cop walking to the car with my brownie pans in plastic bags. This had gone south and quick! The Captain had corralled me over to the side of his cruiser. He just let me lean against it as he continued with his staring tactic. After another long moment of silence, he offered up more powerful words. “You got anything to say?” “Like what,” I replied. “OK, turn around,” he said. As I heard the jingle of the cuffs he began reading me my Miranda rights.


It was official, this party sucked.



(to be continued tomorrow)


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 25, 2009 at 5:30 am