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Archive for April 26th, 2009

Locked Down In Lockup

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This is part five of an ongoing series.

Please read:

Part 1 – I Fell Down and Hit My Head

Part 2 – Revenge Set For Picnic

Part 3 – Havoc Ensues

Part 4 – Enter the Fuzz

The story so far: Being made fun of at work by my co-workers after I was victimized by an office prank/accident, I got angry and sought revenge by dosing everyone at the company picnic with LSD laced brownies. Just as everyone was starting to freak out and have fun, the cops showed up and arrested me.


Waking up in jail is something that no one can prepare you for. There are no classes or seminars that offer a holding cell preparation course, but if there is I’ve never heard of them.


You might think that it’d be difficult to fall asleep on a strange, hard, cold, wooden, bench surrounded by felons and deviants. Turns out that falling asleep is actually a great way to escape the fact that your freedom has been stripped from you and that you’re being forced to stay in a glass room with twenty-five strangers that’s the size of and smells exactly like a truck stop bathroom.


The morning came and one by one, twenty-five of my new best friends and I were taken one at a time to talk to a camera in an even smaller room. From what I understand there was a judge on the other side, either that or the monitor next to the camera was tuned to Judge Hatchett. When my time came around I was amazed at the fact that I had little interaction with the judge, nor any questions or answers to mess with. The judge rattled off some charges against me and told me I was released on bail, to be tried at a later date.


To make things worse, you can not bail yourself out of jail if you don’t have the money. I can’t think of anything worse than calling your father, when you’re a grown man, begging him to post bail for you. Trying to whisper things on the phone like, “I’ll pay you back, I swear,” can be rather difficult as well as embarrassing.


Once outside the “holding tank”, standing in the sunlight of a new day, breathing the fresh air and being free to walk about was a very short-lived joy. Getting into the car with my father felt like putting on a wool coat in the middle of the summer. I knew that this stint on the outside was temporary and that I’d be going back to court soon. Having that hang over my head combined with the disappointment of my father made for a very long ride home. He dropped me off and sped away having never uttered a word.


Inside the answering machine had four messages blinking. The first and second were from my mother. The first being a slew of curse words and yelling, the latter fits of uncontrollable crying and hysterical mumbling. The third one was from Debra in human resources telling me that I no longer had a job and that I could pick up my personal effects at the security desk during normal business hours. She even let me know what those hours were, as if to try and make it seem like I had never been to our office, or their office as I guess it was now. This all seemed normal to me. I knew my mother would be crushed and I knew that I’d be fired, but I didn’t expect the fourth message…


It was from Mike. “Hey, how’s it going? Probably not so good for you, huh? Isn’t life funny? Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to. You can’t say that this is a surprise, you knew you had this coming.”


Yes Mike I can say that and no I didn’t know I had this coming! What the hell was he talking about? Why was Mike out to get me and why did he succeed at so well?


At this point I had never been so freaked out, uncertain about the future and confused about what to do next, ever in my life. One thing is for sure, this is far from over.


(to be continued tomorrow)


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster