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Archive for April 29th, 2009

Conclusion Confusion

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This is the final part of my ongoing series.

Please read:

Part 1 – I Fell Down and Hit My Head

Part 2 – Revenge Set For Picnic

Part 3 – Havoc Ensues

Part 4 – Enter the Fuzz

Part 5 – Locked Down In Lockup

Part 6 – Pay A Little Visit

Part 7 – Plot Thickens

The story so far: Being made fun of at work by my co-workers after I was victimized by an office prank/accident, I got angry and sought revenge by dosing everyone at the company picnic with LSD laced brownies. Just as everyone was starting to freak out and have fun, the cops showed up and arrested me. I spent the night in jail and was released with a court date. I discovered that Mike was out to get me. I went to confront him and discovered him dead in his bedroom. I discover Mike was hiding negatives of candid, nude photographs of Amanda. I go to confront her and hopefully get a few answers about what’s going on.


On my way over to Amanda’s, I had this surreal thought. All of this has been happening extremely fast. One event pours into another. I can’t remember when the last time I slept or ate or even went to the bathroom. It makes this seem impossible. As I concluded my mental interlude, I was pulling up to Amanda’s. Her house was extraordinarily nice. Big with a well kept lawn and landscaping obviously done by professionals. As I walked up to the door, I kept thinking, as I coveted her spread, “How can someone who works where I work afford all of this?”


I knocked on the door. A midget answered wearing a maid’s outfit with the addition of an “alien, spring antenna, Styrofoam ball headband“. It was quite dashing and a true fashion statement I thought. “Is Amanda available?” I asked. “Yes, but I doubt that you’re her type” he replied. “That may very well be, but perhaps I could just speak with her?” “Very well,” he shrugged and opened the door. As a walked in a giant butterfly made out of aluminum cans whizzed by my head. “She is in the study” the midget said, pointing me in the direction. “The study? Who has a study, or calls it that anyway?” I thought to myself. I opened the door and entered a room that was the size of a high school gymnasium. The floor was covered from wall to wall with windup monkeys crashing cymbals. They were all going off at once and I immediately felt a panic attack coming over me from the stress caused by all the racket.


Amanda was sitting on a pink, fluffy, chase lounge in the middle of the room. I think she asked me something, but I couldn’t understand her over the monkeys. I walked over to her and asked, “What?!” “What are you doing here!” she screamed. “I wanted to ask you what your connection to Mike was!” I yelled back. “What?!” she replied. I repeated myself. “What are you talking about?” she asked loudly. “I found pictures of you naked at Mike’s house. He’s dead by the way. Does that surprise you?” I shouted. All of this excessively loud talking was giving me a headache. My head was pounding with fury and anger. “Do you feel OK? You look kind of sick” she asked. Now that she mentioned it, I was feeling rather peculiar. “I’m sorry about the brownies.” I said. “What brownies?” she asked. “The brownies at the party, the ones I brought, that I made” I replied. “What’s wrong with you?” she said and closed a door that appeared out of nowhere. I turned around and found myself in an alley lying behind a dumpster.


I thought for a moment… I remember mixing the brownie batter… I licked the spoon and poured the batter into the pans… I put the pans into the oven and set the timer… I went and turned on the television… OH NO! I licked the spoon! It’s a force of habit… I wasn’t thinking… I never made it to the picnic. This is the alley behind my apartment building. I looked up and noticed smoke rolling out of my apartment window.


No. NO. NO! The brownies are burning. I ran upstairs as quickly as I could, but it was too late. My apartment was completely engulfed with flames and the fire department was on their way. I walked back outside and joined my fellow tenants watching the action. The fire men put out the flames before they could do much damage to any other apartments, (except the one below mine that had water leaking in from the ceiling).


One piece of good luck was that the fire was ruled an accident and you can’t prosecute stupidity. Also the fire burned up any evidence of LSD so I was safe on that charge too.


I sat on the curb and thought of my new homeless life and where it would go. Then I thought, “Wow, all this over a banana peel.”


THE END (thank goodness)


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

April 29, 2009 at 4:18 am