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Archive for May 6th, 2009

Pictures of Pictures

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I was tooling around an art museum today. In every room there was a sign that read “No Photography”. I’ve always pretended to be illiterate for just these types of occasions. Unfortunately they have these pesky employees that hang around watching for illiterates. They wait till you have your camera out, pointed, focused, zoomed, a perfect shot ready to be captured before they pounce on you screaming in that annoying whispering voice “no pictures”. I wonder what these employees are. They’re like less than a security guard, more insignificant than a rent-a-cop, and far less glamorous than a fry cook. They’re like vagrants in uniforms.


Why are they all over me about taking pictures? If I had to guess, I would say that famous paintings are like famous people. They want to be left alone even though they depend on us, the commoner, to support them. I would have never guessed that “celebrity style” has become so out of control that a painting or sculpture would develop a prima donna attitude, but it seems to be the case.


Someone tried telling me once that you couldn’t take photographs of paintings because the flash faded the paint like the sun does a photograph or something like that. I don’t really remember because I stuffed a banana in their mouth and threw them into a gorilla cage. I know they were only foolin’, trying to cover up for those famous pictures and their attitudes. You always see it in the celebrity handlers, always the same, always, but I’m not fooled. I won’t buy into the “poor me celebrity” propaganda machine.


So to teach them all a lesson and to nip this problem in the bud, I burned down the museum. Let’s see you try and “protect”, (or rather dote over) your “better than thou” beautiful, unique, 200 year old, priceless, irreplaceable, masterpiece now!


Wow, having just written and reading that, I see I went too far, over the line, a living example of bad decision making.


I’m sorry.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 6, 2009 at 4:24 am