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Archive for May 13th, 2009

Finger Lickin’ Disgusting

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People are gross. It can’t be helped with all the mucus and feces. It’s natural and a part of who we are, all of us. You might like to think of yourself as not being gross, but if you were the star of your own twenty-four hour reality show, you’d see just how gross you really were. We make entirely way too much waste to even try and argue the fact.


Of course some people are worse than others. Doesn’t mean you’re not gross. It just means others are grosser. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a huge difference between being naturally gross and crude. We all experience gas, but it those who “push it” out for maximum volume at the most inappropriate of times that are disgusting.


Disgusting and gross are not synonymous. Coughing up a lung burger is gross, but spitting it on the sidewalk with other people walking by is disgusting. Using a tissue to clean your nostrils is gross, but picking your nose and wiping it under the movie theater seat is disgusting. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea and my stomach is tightening up a little.


One thing I’ve found to be disgusting, yet quite common, is the finger lickin’ page turner. I’m not speaking of a great book that’s hard to put down, I mean people who lick their finger(s) so that a page from a book or stack of papers will stick to their finger(s). I’ve lived my whole live turning pages without moisture, but for some people it seems to a big problem.


Similar to the “ugly nudist”, people who perform this disgusting habit are always people you pray won’t need mouth to mouth if an emergency situation ever arises, (or at least you’re not around if it does or that no one knows you are trained in CPR).


These “finger lickers” always suffer from less than ideal breath, discolored teeth, abnormally productive saliva glands, and one or more of the following in or around the mouth area: lesions, blisters, soars, cuts, blotches, blemishes, and pimples. All of this is somewhat circumstantial you might say, but even ye of little camaraderie can’t argue that when it’s done with a “bite of food” in their mouth it’s beyond the line of “maybe” or “personal dislike” and moves directly towards “totally unacceptable”.


I don’t care if they lick their own books or papers, but you can’t be licking anything that is going to be used by another person.


You just can’t! For realz!


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 13, 2009 at 3:06 am