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Archive for May 15th, 2009

Thank Goodness It’s Attached

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I was looking for my phone today. I nervously and inefficiently scoured the house in effort to locate it. I even resorted to using the land line to call myself. As I was walking around I thought about how this stupid little piece of plastic was “so important”, yet I would haphazardly leave it lying around somewhere to where I’d forget where it was and it’d be lost. I started to compile lists of all the important things that people loose, keys, homework, teeth, virginity, money, driver’s license, pets, and minds.


Then the thought popped into my head, “Good thing my penis is attached. I’d hate to leave that sitting somewhere and have someone walk off with it.” I tried to think of a women’s equivalent, but there just wasn’t any that didn’t seem like a stretch. “I took out my vagina and left it on the table” seemed too silly.


In this absent minded world, I wonder what the percentage of men would be, that would be without a penis due to loss or theft, (if the penis was in fact a detachable object). I’m thinking the number would be so high that those men left with their natural penis would be in very high demand. Gigolos would surpass prostitutes for the first time in the history of “flesh trading”.


I say natural because if the penis was detachable, then “replacements” would flood the market. That’d be weird. You know you’d finally hear, see or live through a story of a guy with a penis that was obviously not suited to his biological makeup, (i.e. a black man with a white penis). “Hey, it was on sale. You know the white ones are much cheaper than the black ones.”


So I’m thankful that my penis is firmly attached. I know because I’ve tried pulling it off before. Thank goodness it’s permanent; otherwise it’d be penis hell.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 15, 2009 at 3:34 am