Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

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Thank Goodness It’s Attached

with 14 comments

I was looking for my phone today. I nervously and inefficiently scoured the house in effort to locate it. I even resorted to using the land line to call myself. As I was walking around I thought about how this stupid little piece of plastic was “so important”, yet I would haphazardly leave it lying around somewhere to where I’d forget where it was and it’d be lost. I started to compile lists of all the important things that people loose, keys, homework, teeth, virginity, money, driver’s license, pets, and minds.


Then the thought popped into my head, “Good thing my penis is attached. I’d hate to leave that sitting somewhere and have someone walk off with it.” I tried to think of a women’s equivalent, but there just wasn’t any that didn’t seem like a stretch. “I took out my vagina and left it on the table” seemed too silly.


In this absent minded world, I wonder what the percentage of men would be, that would be without a penis due to loss or theft, (if the penis was in fact a detachable object). I’m thinking the number would be so high that those men left with their natural penis would be in very high demand. Gigolos would surpass prostitutes for the first time in the history of “flesh trading”.


I say natural because if the penis was detachable, then “replacements” would flood the market. That’d be weird. You know you’d finally hear, see or live through a story of a guy with a penis that was obviously not suited to his biological makeup, (i.e. a black man with a white penis). “Hey, it was on sale. You know the white ones are much cheaper than the black ones.”


So I’m thankful that my penis is firmly attached. I know because I’ve tried pulling it off before. Thank goodness it’s permanent; otherwise it’d be penis hell.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 15, 2009 at 3:34 am

14 Responses

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  1. I’d have to wonder about the ‘replacement’ contracts. It would certainly give ‘my circle’ a whole new ring. I doubt they would still offer free nights and weekends. If you were at the beach or in a tunnel, would you lose your signal? Ok, I have to stop now!!

    Scott Oglesby

    May 15, 2009 at 6:27 am

    • Scott Oglesby, that’s good and funny. I like you, but please don’t put me in “your circle”. Thanks for the laugh!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 16, 2009 at 4:12 am

  2. It would, however, open the door for a world of hilarious “junk” comments.

    Junk drawer, junk in the trunk, you paid how much for that junk?, go ahead and throw your junk on the table, the junk yard (i.e., sausagefest), etc.

    I’m sick of it already.

    (BTW, nice blog you got here. Alantru pointed it out to me and I clicked over despite my better judgement.)

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    May 15, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, awesome handle ya got there, along with a sweet avatar. Seems so classy. You’d hate to hear your mate say, “I threw out that ol’ junker”… now I’m sick of it too. I’m glad you spited yourself to not only click on over, but leave a comment as well. Thanks.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 16, 2009 at 4:40 am

  3. As a woman, I am very torn on this issue. Men are fabulous creatures they way they are… if your parts were interchangeable, I know a lot of guys who would get laid more and a lot who would get laid less.

    Claire Collins

    May 16, 2009 at 6:03 am

    • Claire Collins, you’ve certainly opened a can of worms on this one, (no metaphors intended). I’m not sure if I’m interpreting what you’re expressing exactly, but the thought you’ve inspired is that if “parts” were interchangeable then at last the sexes could live as one. Thank you for you comments.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 17, 2009 at 4:55 am

  4. Wow. I hadn’t quite thought of it that way. I was thinking of parts being interchangeable amongst only the male members (metaphor intended).

    I don’t think I would want one of my own permanantly, I just want to borrow one every now and then.

    And now that I’ve totally thrown you guys for a loop, I’m going to go hide and see what you all leave lying around.

    Claire Collins

    May 17, 2009 at 5:16 am

    • Claire Collins, I think there’s only two questions left… Is it gay to borrow your friends “part”? AND Is it cheating if you use your friends “part”?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 17, 2009 at 5:44 am

  5. 1) I think gay would only come into play if you borrow it while it’s still attached to your friend

    2) Cheating as in..
    “Honey I didn’t screw that chick, that was some other Rooster’s cock.”?

    Like that you mean? Cheating is cheating. The question is: Will she believe it or not?

    Questions in return:
    Isn’t there any concern that you would feel the need to borrow your friend’s part?
    How would you know if you were getting a good deal or the short end of the stick?
    A little comparison going on?
    And if one is more… hmmm… equipped.. than the other, then why would the Paul Bunyan size owner swap with the Tom Thumb owner?

    Claire Collins

    May 17, 2009 at 6:30 am

    • Claire Collins, 1) Thank goodness 2) Exactly. She’ll only believe when you’re holding it above your head.
      My questions were merely hypothetical, (of course!) and none of these are first person. They all involve random subjects living in California. Television has taught me that a lot of men are self-conscious about the size of their “part”, so you know if they snapped on and off eventually some dude would have the gall to ask to borrow a Paul Bunyan one. I’ve always heard that Paul Bunyan was very nice and perhaps his sympathy is gigantic as well.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 18, 2009 at 4:18 am

  6. As a woman, the entire concept fascinates me. Hypothetically, (Of course), can you imagine if it was detachable and you lost it while in the act of using it?

    Oh shit.
    Don’t move honey. I lost Peter in there.
    Sit still. I almost got it. I said don’t move. Stop. Sit still. No. I’m not trying to… honey.. sit still. No, I need that back. I.. forget it. Just give it back when you’re done.

    Claire Collins

    May 18, 2009 at 5:14 am

    • Claire Collins, as a rooster the entire concept eludes me, but I will say losing it inside may reveal a much bigger (or gapping) problem. I think the only fail safe would have to be that the detachable wouldn’t work unless attached; otherwise the technology is already available. Thanks for your wit.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 19, 2009 at 3:55 am

  7. I think permanently attached is definitely the way to go.

    Claire Collins

    May 19, 2009 at 4:30 am

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