Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Bloggin’ Bulpsheet

with 6 comments

I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but this whole “blog thing” is at an epidemic level. You can’t even through an opinion around without hitting a blog spot, blog page or a blog site. What gives? What’s all this blog excitement about anyhow? I asked around and tried to get the skinny on the fat, but I just wasn’t satisfied, I had to find out for myself.

 

Eight months ago I pretended to be a blogger and started my own blog page. A daily blog no less, (talk about over zealous). What I found was very different than what I expected. These weren’t the scribblings of incoherent, taking a break from porn, internet zombies. They were people, real people. What the hell?! The spectrum was as grand as the numbers of bloggers, offering all kinds of different choices from race hating to silly comedy to stereo speaker reviews. There was something for everyone. These were voices, opinions and beliefs. It was like looking into the night sky and each star was a blog for the picking.

 

Some of them even seemed like a tribe or family. Visiting each other’s page and leaving comments, it was all so nice and pleasant. I must admit, I found myself actually becoming a fan of a blog site or thirty. I began reading what others had going on and leaving them comments. Before long I was rushing back to see what they had said in response to my comments. It was like we were hanging out in cyberspace. It was all so fun, but then tragedy struck!!!

 

We’ve all dealt with the fact that our brains move faster than our fingers and sometimes we might use “to” instead of “two” or “your” instead of “you’re” and sometimes we just plain blow it and we don’t even know what were trying to type. I found I left a comment on one of my favorite blogs and had made a simple error. I went to “edit” it like I do on my own comments page. What’s this? There is no edit button? How can this be? I panicked, I constricted, and I collapsed. How could I have this erroneous representation of myself out there for all to see and live? I couldn’t…

 

THE DARK TIMES:

 

Needless to say I fell deep into the abyss of self-loathing and compounded depression. I was so sad I began drinking mayonnaise and sleeping in the sun. It was bad. My blogosphere was imploding. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t… uh…, I couldn’t blog, I was lost! All I could do was read and read I did.

 

I read a blog about how to blog. It seemed so appropriate at the time. Inside this fountain of words was the sentence, “If you don’t know what to write search the internet for ideas or visit a blog and read about what they’re writing about and write about that.” Holy schmidtz! You mean I don’t even have to think up my own material? For realz?!?!

 

I went to all my favorite blogs and started taking bits and pieces wherever I saw fit. I began to write blog after blog inspired by the thoughts of others. It was glorious! Little did I know… after the smoked cleared, those who use to visit and leave wonderful comments stopped leaving comments and then stopped visiting altogether. My “daily visits” dropped to negative three. How is that even possible?

 

It was over. I knew, they knew it, even my dog knew it, especially when he said, “Are you going to pet me with someone else’s hands?” I walked to the highest building in the city I live in and took the elevator to the top. On the roof I peered over the edge preparing for the fall when he spoke. “What are you doing?” “I’m going to kill myself?” I cried. “Why?” “Because sometimes I can’t think of what to write and I take ideas from people.” I shouted in shame. “What’s wrong with that?” “It’s… it’s… it’s” I couldn’t answer him, I honestly didn’t know. “See? Taking ideas from people is what life is all about. Why people having been doing it since people were invented. There are no new ideas. There aren’t any new opinions. It’s all been done, it’s all been said. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.” “Who are you?” I asked. He smiled and replied, “Bob Saget.”

 

I jumped.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 23, 2009 at 4:29 am

6 Responses

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  1. That’s a cripplingly funny post. I’m going to limp off to my blog now and guzzle some mayonnaise.

    It’s overcast, but I think it will still have the same effect.

    Speaking of blog advice, everything I read just says, “All that stuff you’re doing? It’s wrong.” There are no further suggestions.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    May 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, so what do you suggest?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 24, 2009 at 3:37 am

      • Fuck ’em. You’ve got a “Publish” button. Who’s going to stop you?

        Certainly not them. And probably not you, either.

        Capitalist Lion Tamer

        May 24, 2009 at 1:04 pm

        • Capitalist Lion Tamer, you’re right. I’m not going to stop myself. I might just keep typing the same comment over and over not even realizing that the “spam filter” may be blocking it. As far as my posts go, I will keep pushing until I reach my goal. It’s because of encouragement like yours that keeps me going. Thanks!

          Ramblin' Rooster

          May 25, 2009 at 3:36 am

  2. I don’t know how you do it everyday Rooster. It’s hard enough twice a week. You find a way to be entertaining about anything though, and that’s a sign of a good writer!
    If someone steals my show ideas, I’m going to hunt them down and poison them with acid at a company picnic! Wait somebody used that before, it doesn’t matter, you probly don’t know them. HAHAHAHA

    Scott Oglesby

    May 23, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, I’m looking forward to your reality show about secretly dosing strangers with hallucinogenics. I hope I don’t even have to say, but just in case, dibs on key grip.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 24, 2009 at 3:40 am


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