Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of

Excerpts from my Handbook Collection part 2

with 38 comments

Tonight I will be sharing passages from the Handbook of Funny.


-The richest supply of Funny is born from pain and sorrow. Only the blood of suffering rings true to the Funny bone. It is manipulation, exaggeration and lies so grandiose that their merit is immaterial.


-Being funny is neither art nor science. Funny isn’t an equation that can be solved or a pattern to be charted. Funny is not to be, it merely is.


-Funny does not want to be found if it knows it’s being searched for. Funny likes surprises. Funny cares only to arrive unannounced. Funny is intangible and unpredictable. Funny likes to move on a whim, hang out all night and disappear for days.


-Funny is a mover and a shaker. You can not tie it down. Funny is indefinable. You will never be able to look Funny in the eyes. Funny is not reliable or consistent. Funny can and will let you down.


-Those who try to wrangle Funny will get the horns. Those who try and tame Funny will find a kick to the head. Those who try to buy and trade Funny only ride the train till the next station.


-Funny isn’t funny, it’s very serious business. There are a great many vices for man to get lost in, but only the soulful, belly-laugh is universal in both health and harmony and an appealing affliction for all of us to get caught up in, lost and taken over by. No one resists the charm or embrace of laughter. No one shies away from the pure joy and gift, like no other, that it brings. It is the warmth of the sun, the security of loving arms and the freedom of an unpainted horizon.


-Funny is not to be made, but rather to be conducted as it flows through us all. Do not try to own it or take it, just let it be and ride the ride for all it’s worth.



Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 28, 2009 at 4:17 am

38 Responses

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  1. -Funny met Dane Cook once, and ran away in tears, leaving the pair eternally separated.
    You sound a little Hemmingway-ish today. You didn’t get drunk, grow a beard, get drunk, get fat, have a midlife crisis, get drunk, hunt, get drunk, get sentimental, get drunk and go to Sloppy Joe’s, did you?
    I’m loving these list’s, you’ll never run out of a blog idea again! Wish I thought of it, or hope I steal it, or something!

    Scott Oglesby

    May 28, 2009 at 7:50 am

    • Scott Oglesby, what’s all this “get” talk? I AM. They don’t call me Hemingway-ish for nothing. I was once going to visit Hemingway’s house in Florida until I found out it cost $12. Seriously! Do you know how much drunk that can buy, (in Cuba)? Please think to steal it.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 29, 2009 at 4:37 am

  2. I used to ride the trains with funny. We’d drink grain alcohol and pass out. Then funny got alcohol poisoning, reformed, found the lord, became a Wall St. mogul and started hunting people for sport. Upon seeing the error of its ways, it shot itself. It was tragic. But in a semi-funny way.

    @Scott. Very funny! You ride the trains?


    May 28, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    • alantru, Funny is very popular. Everyone seems to have a story to tell. I love Funny. Your story sounds just like the Funny I use to know, back in the day. Back then it was semi-not funny.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 29, 2009 at 4:39 am

  3. That is not funny!

    Okay, yeah it was.
    Funny is as funny does?

    What about when someone says you look funny, or you smell funny, but they don’t laugh?

    That’s not funny either.

    Claire Collins

    May 29, 2009 at 3:09 am

    • Claire Collins, it’s really not funny, but you’ve hit the Funny on the head Claire Gump. As far as, “What about when someone says you look funny, or you smell funny, but they don’t laugh?” Let’s see what the Handbook says… Funny sometimes stands in the hallway, a blank slate, looking through you. You can not tell what it wants or what it is thinking. It’s the most uncomfortable feeling in the world, next to public bathing.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 29, 2009 at 4:45 am

      • It’s even worse if you’re bathing in public and someone watching tells you that you look funny or smell funny.

        ~ Claire Gump

        Claire Collins

        May 30, 2009 at 3:26 am

  4. Excellent post, RR. This clears up why people say, “That’s funny…” when things happen like their hard drive crashes, or their credit cards get declined or they’re driving with a suspended license and get pulled over.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    May 29, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, thanks, sometimes when it hurts so badly you just have to laugh, (even if you can’t audible do it).

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 30, 2009 at 3:39 am

  5. Sure you can.

    It wouldn’t be very funny though. We may have to continue this conversation under the Evil Handbook

    Claire Collins

    May 30, 2009 at 6:01 am

  6. OK, I swear your blog hates me. It threw my comment WAY up there and messed up the thread. 😦

    Claire Collins

    May 30, 2009 at 6:02 am

    • Claire Collins, I will talk to my blog about.—————————————— OK, it said it was sorry.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 31, 2009 at 4:03 am

      • It’s forgiven. I really like it and I can’t stand it when it’s mad at me.

        Claire Collins

        May 31, 2009 at 5:59 am

        • Claire Collins, did you get the roses it sent to you?

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 1, 2009 at 3:26 am

          • I did get them. Your blog and I are seeing each other now. The only problem is he keeps sending me mixed messages. One day he’s evil and the next day he’s funny. Then he asks me what I’m babbling about then he’s taking me to a party with pinatas and margaritas. And then he goes and tells me you’re hung like a donkey, so now I’m really confused.

            Claire Collins

            June 1, 2009 at 4:03 am

            • Claire Collins, this is quite often the case with him. A word of caution, don’t trust him! Kick his shit to the curb! You can do better than this! Get married and divorced and married again! Have kids, move to Montana!

              Ramblin' Rooster

              June 1, 2009 at 5:27 am

              • I’m already married so your blog is just a side thing for me. (Yeah I’m that kind of woman). I haven’t tried the divorce thing, but I did try the having kids part. FOUR times too. I never did get it quite right so I quit trying. I hear Montana’s nice this time of year, but I think your blog would go with me. I can’t help it. I love him! You just don’t understand!

                Claire Collins

                June 1, 2009 at 5:44 am

                • Claire Collins, that’s good because this blog can’t commit. You’re right, I don’t understand. This blog is a curse.

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  June 2, 2009 at 4:47 am

                  • It’s like I’m full of helium. I keep rising and rising.

                    Claire Collins

                    June 3, 2009 at 3:57 am

                    • Claire Collins, you keep getting high? I thought you were a whiskey woman?

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 3, 2009 at 5:09 am

                    • Great, first I have a drinking problem, then a gambling problem, and now a drug problem? I don’t think blogging is good for me. I didn’t do any of those things before I started blogging.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 3, 2009 at 6:32 am

                    • Claire Collins, that may be true, but think what would happen to you if you quit blogging now and tried to walk away. Instant death. That’s right, I said it. Dr. Rooster has left the barn…

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 4, 2009 at 5:32 am

                    • Instant Death, Dr. Rooster?

                      Is it ok if I walk away as long as I come back? I think I may need to get up and stretch at some point.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 4, 2009 at 6:37 am

                    • Claire Collins, whatever you think is necessary. That’s lunch people!

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 5, 2009 at 3:33 am

  7. Nice, RR!

    As always. You’re the rooster!

    Serious Comedy is my favorite oxymoron.


    May 31, 2009 at 5:26 am

    • alantru, it’s one of mine too, second only to giant midgets. There’s just something that always makes me smile about hearing that, must be the colorful imagery.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 1, 2009 at 3:26 am

  8. I can quit the Ramblin’ Rooster blog anytime I want to…

    I can quit the Ramblin’ Rooster blog anytime I want to…

    I can quit the Ramblin’ Rooster blog anytime I want to…

    I can quit the Ramblin’ Rooster blog anytime I want to…

    Claire Collins

    June 3, 2009 at 3:56 am

    • Claire Collins, you just don’t want to, right? I had the same problem with Librium. Eventually you’ll just get over it and move on to another rooster.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 3, 2009 at 5:05 am

      • There is NO other Rooster.

        But RR, why do you write out my whole name every time? I’d think you could call me Claire by now, or CC, or even that crazy woman.

        Claire Collins

        June 3, 2009 at 6:35 am

        • Claire Collins, I write out your name not only out of respect, but because the first people who commented had names like Zrun4Scissors. Seemed difficult, if not mind shattering, to shorten them, so I said to myself right then and there, that no matter what their user name was, that’s what I’d put back. I could call you lots of things, but I know you as Claire Collins. I like it, but if you don’t, you may go to the end of the line and when you get back to the front, introduce yourself as whomever (and however short) you’d like. I like the fullness of Claire Collins. Also it’s Midwestern flashy.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 4, 2009 at 5:39 am

          • I’ve been called a lot of things, but never Midwestern Flashy. Which is interesting in itself since I was born a raised a midwestern country girl. That would explain my affinity for Roosters.

            So do you mind if I call you RR, or Rooster, or Ramblin’ or any other combination that may arise as I see fit? Or should I call you Ramblin’ Rooster all the time, because I certainly would never disrespect you.

            Claire Collins

            June 4, 2009 at 6:35 am

  9. It’s becoming very funny trying to figure out where my comments will end up next.

    Claire Collins

    June 3, 2009 at 3:57 am

    • Claire Collins, there are people who don’t know what they are doing with their websites and there are people who have their websites flowing with ideal feng shui, then there’s me. What can I say, I’m only a rooster.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 3, 2009 at 5:08 am

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