Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Excerpts from my Handbook Collection part 3

with 6 comments

Tonight I will be sharing passages from the Handbook of What Are You Babbling About.

 

-A resolution is nothing more than a solution being used again.

 

-If dog hair falls off a dog, why does it stick to me?

 

-You order a chili cheese dog. It’s served with a fork in a paper basket. It would be impossible to eat it without showering afterwards if you tried using your hands. Is it worth $7.99?

 

-Barry Sobel use to be a popular comedian.

 

-Does anyone really eat Silica?

 

-Very few people know that Alexandre Dumas’ Les Trois Mousquetaires, (The Three Musketeers) was originally written as five musketeers, (a woman and a black man) but Alex’s sponsor, Mr. Mars, threatened to pull funding if he released it.

 

-People laughed at bottled water.

 

-Is there such thing a secret sauce?

 

-There are people in this world, right now, who want to appear on Jerry Springer.

 

-Some of them want to be used by you.

 

-There are 32 ways to kill a man with a cheeseburger.

 

-I don’t have any sisters, but my one brother who had “gender reassignment” surgery was disowned by my family. Therefore I know this ugly chick that I grew up with and whom I consider to be my brother, even though I’m not allowed. I still wish I had a sister.

 

-How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? Who licks a T.R.T.P.? Don’t you put the whole thing in your mouth?

 

-I wonder how many people have “laid eyes” on me during my life so far. Regardless of whether or not it was positive or negative or if they even acknowledged my existence, how many eyeballs of witnessed my being since my inception?

 

-Ironic that fat makes you fat. If it made you stupid there’d be a lot of happy people in this world.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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6 Responses

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  1. #1-because I’m rubber and your glue

    #3-that’s a pretty good hot dog, I don’t know if it’s worth $8, but it’s a pretty f88king good hot dog- Vince ‘pulp fiction’

    #5-I thought they were sugar packets

    #8-lolol, yes, yes there is, but I can’t talk about it right now with out violating my probation

    #9-Most of then have already had a cameo on ‘Cops’

    #10-Dude, that was brilliant. Love it!!

    #11-That’s a pretty f88king good cheeseburger-Vince again

    #14-I have actually wondered the same thing, and it’s got to be over 10 million?

    #15-because stupid people are happy! –in the voice of Peter Griffith

    Scott Oglesby

    May 29, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    • Scott Oglesby,
      1- Anything you say bounces of of me and sticks to you
      3- I love that movie
      5- I like it in coffee
      8- The judge and your probation officer know… (so it’s not a complete secret!)
      9- I always wanted to be arrested on Jerry Springer
      10- It’s not me it’s Anne Lennox
      11- I love that movie
      14- You’ve been around, huh?
      15- You get ‘Family Guy’ in Spain? Wouldn’t it be “porque la gente estúpida es feliz”?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 30, 2009 at 3:48 am

  2. I think the Tootsie Pop question is rhetorical, like “If a tree fell in a forest, would it still make a sound?” and “What are you, a fucking moron?”

    Or, “What do you want to do tonight?”

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    May 29, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, “what do you want to do tonight” that’s funny. I’m glad I hae no friends so that I never have to hear that line again.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 30, 2009 at 3:41 am

  3. You forgot some. There are female questions too.

    Do I look fat in this?

    Why are you watching football?

    Is this how your mother raised you?

    Why can’t you make as much money as your brother?

    What are you thinking?

    Claire Collins

    May 30, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    • Claire Collins, those all should have been on this list, no doubt. I need to dig deeper into my feminine side.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 31, 2009 at 4:07 am


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