Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of

Human Piñata

with 30 comments

I was at a party store today. Walking around the aisles I was contemplating suing them, because for one, there was no party and two, there wasn’t any party. There was so much crap in the store it made me feel like I was in an attic or garage of some deranged packrat. It seemed like everything in the store cost 15 cents. It felt as though I could buy the entire store with the money in my car ashtray.


Just when I thought all hope was lost, I turned the corner to the aisle of piñatas. Holy macaroni I love piñatas. I don’t think there’s anything cooler than a piñata. A cheap, ugly, crepe paper work of mastery always puts my on cloud nine. They never quite look like the object they’re suppose to be. A horse looks like a donkey, the mermaid looks like a donkey and Spider-Man looks like a donkey.


I once bought my daughter a piñata for her birthday. I filled it with fake gold coins and made an awesome stick out of an old school, broom handle, (i.e. it was thick and menacing). When the time came for her to unleash on it she hit it and hit it and hit it. Eventually she became so exhausted she gave me the stick. In my mind I thought, “Oh, little girl, me strong man, me break it no problem.” Twenty minutes later I was on my hands and knees with a box knife going for its neck. See how much you could have.


Standing in the piñata aisle made me wish I was a piñata. I tried to come up with what I’d want to have inside of me to come spilling out to please the children that were assaulting me. I thought cell phones would be cool or iPods. Maybe organ shaped candy. Ooo, iPod shaped organs, filled with cell phone shaped candy, perfect!


If you were a piñata, what would you want to be filled with?


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 30, 2009 at 4:43 am

30 Responses

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  1. If I had to be a piñata I would want to be filled with tiny men with baseball bats. They would then exact revenge for my death. I’m part Italian so I guess I have ‘vendetta’ issues!

    Scott Oglesby

    May 30, 2009 at 4:29 pm

  2. I’d want to be filled with chores and homework. That way, the kids wouldn’t WANT to beat the hell out of me with a stick, or in your case, take a knife to my throat.

    Of Course, then I’d go through life hung from a tree and looking like a donkey.

    Claire Collins

    May 30, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    • Claire Collins, I’m sorry, I lost it there for a moment. All I heard was hung and donkey… thanks!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      May 31, 2009 at 4:09 am

  3. Ok, I have to admit I thought the same thing when I typed it, but there’s no way I could have pulled off saying anything about being hung like a donkey. It just wouldn’t work for me.

    Now, on the other hand, I have this insane mental picture of a rooster hung like a donkey.

    That jus’ ain’t right.

    Claire Collins

    May 31, 2009 at 6:10 am

    • Claire Collins, it ain’t wrong either… (hubba hubba).

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 1, 2009 at 3:30 am

      • 😉

        No one could call you a little pecker then huh Rooster?

        Claire Collins

        June 1, 2009 at 4:09 am

        • Claire Collins, they could. It’d be like calling the 6′-8″, 400 pound bouncer from the club “Tiny”.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 1, 2009 at 5:29 am

          • I can tell you like where this comment thread has gone, my friend. I saw three new chest feathers pop out with pride. You’re struttin’ around the yard and all the chick’s are fainting at the appendage thrown over your shoulder.

            Next thing you know, Farmer John’s going to get you in a cock fight.

            There goes my gambling problem again.

            Claire Collins

            June 1, 2009 at 6:04 am

            • Claire Collins, cock fights are fine, just as long as my appendage doesn’t end up on the chopping block. Can I get $20 on whomever I’m fighting?

              Ramblin' Rooster

              June 2, 2009 at 4:59 am

  4. I’d like to be in the shape of Blue from Blue’s Clues and be filled with whatever the hell it was that the Ark was filled with in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Wrath of God, I suppose.

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, that’s an awesome choice. It’s so funny I can’t even come back on it.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 1, 2009 at 3:32 am

  5. Cock on the block

    Claire Collins

    June 3, 2009 at 3:59 am

    • Claire Collins, that might be the creepiest comment I have ever received. Wait… yes, it is the creepiest. Not only because of the fear of losing things, but also it makes me think of boy bands.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 3, 2009 at 5:10 am

      • Woohoo! I’m the creepiest.

        Hmm, maybe that isn’t such a good thing?

        So then.. does Donkey Cock on the Block make you think of video games?

        We’ve mixed all of your blogs and the comments up so bad I don’t think any casual observer will ever understand what’s going on. One of us may end up looking very strange.

        Of course, I am the one talking to a rooster aren’t I?

        Claire Collins

        June 3, 2009 at 6:39 am

        • Claire Collins, only the creepiest commenter, tons more creepy people out there are winning the race. In answer to your question, yes it does. I’d like to think, (because of my small brain and overactive enthusiasm, (be naïve) that there are no casual viewers.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 4, 2009 at 5:46 am

          • Would casual viewers be considered voyeurs?

            Claire Collins

            June 4, 2009 at 6:42 am

            • Claire Collins, it would depend on many factors and fluids.

              Ramblin' Rooster

              June 5, 2009 at 3:34 am

              • Oh my! Yes, that is very true. I hadn’t thought of the circumstances in depth.

                Now where DID I leave my mind.. I know it’s here somewhere.

                Claire Collins

                June 5, 2009 at 5:14 am

                • Calire Collins, did you look in the pinata?

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  June 6, 2009 at 4:39 am

                  • I was going to, but by the time I thought of it, CLT had already knocked the hell out of it with a stick and there was nothing left of it but the part that was still hung from the tree that looked like a donkey.

                    It’s ok. I don’t use it much anyway.

                    Claire Collins

                    June 6, 2009 at 6:14 am

                    • Claire Collins, that’s a line if I’ve ever heard one, (and I have by the way). Youse got a super-action mind workin’ on fifteen cylinders!

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 6, 2009 at 6:19 am

                    • Thanks for the compliment.
                      At least I think it was a compliment? I should’ve known not to use a line on youse.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 6, 2009 at 6:52 am

                    • Claire Collins, don’t be modest… of course it was a compliment.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 7, 2009 at 4:00 am

                    • 😳

                      Compliment me too much and you’ll find yourself starring in a novel.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 7, 2009 at 4:57 am

                    • Claire Collins, I want to be the rooster that dies on the first page of your next novel, (if it’s not too much to ask).

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 8, 2009 at 4:02 am

                    • Actually, strangely enough, I would be able to do that. My next novel is set on a farm, but the thought of the rooster dying on page one is a little distressing. How would you like to die?

                      Claire Collins

                      June 8, 2009 at 4:45 am

                    • Claire Collins, like all men I’d like to die post coitus, but I think combine accident would be nifty.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 8, 2009 at 5:18 am

                    • Since I’m the creator, and you’re the rooster, I could even let you have a combine accident post coitus.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 8, 2009 at 5:27 am

                    • Claire Collins, that’s why you’re a genius!

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 9, 2009 at 3:08 am

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