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Archive for May 31st, 2009

The Perfect Margarita

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If there is one thing I know, it’s people. I’m what you call a real people person. I’ve been searching for that something that brings people together and unites them in a universal passion. For a while I thought it was topless bars, but that seemed to exclude a lot of chicks, man. What I now know to be true, and ironically can still involve exposed breasts, is alcohol. People love to get drunk, (or at least try). That’s why tonight, while attending a welcome home party for my friend who just got out of jail for his fifth DUI offensive, I’ll be giving you the perfect margarita mix recipe via my laptop.


In a blender combine the following:


Hey Jill can you hand me that lime? Thanks.


1 part vermouth


Whoa, wrong bottle. Hey Jill can you hand me that tequila bottle over there and take this one? Wait, let me take a nip real quick. Wow, that’s kind of sweet, like wine.


1 part tequila, (one shot for me)


Cut a lime in half and squeeze… damn it! Jill can you get me another lime?


Cut a lemon in half and squeeze both ends it into the blender, making sure no seeds get in there.


Oh thanks, Jill. Cut a lime in half and follow the directions for the lemon.


Now I like to add two tablespoons of sugar and… What, why are you yelling at me? What do you mean that’s not sugar? Oh, really? That’s uh… gonna certainly change things.


Um… OK, let’s see…


1 part tequila, (one shot for me)


Add some ice


2 parts margarita mix


2 parts tequila, (one shot for me)


Hey, what’s up Rick? What’s going on man? Long time, huh? What ya been up to? No shit? That’s crazy! For realz? Right on. Yeah, for sure.


OK, let’s see…


1 part tequila (one shot for me)


1 part margarita mix


1 quick shot for me


This half empty beer here


1 part brown liquor with no label that smells like turpentine


1 part vermouth


1 part vodka


Three, no four olives


1 part tequila, (two shots for me)


Turn on your blender


OK, make sure the blender is plugged in…


Turn on your blender


DAMN IT! Make sure the lid is on your blender…


Lick the remaining concoction off of Jill’s face.


And there you have it, the perfect margarita!


Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 31, 2009 at 4:41 am