Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

The Perfect Margarita

with 12 comments

If there is one thing I know, it’s people. I’m what you call a real people person. I’ve been searching for that something that brings people together and unites them in a universal passion. For a while I thought it was topless bars, but that seemed to exclude a lot of chicks, man. What I now know to be true, and ironically can still involve exposed breasts, is alcohol. People love to get drunk, (or at least try). That’s why tonight, while attending a welcome home party for my friend who just got out of jail for his fifth DUI offensive, I’ll be giving you the perfect margarita mix recipe via my laptop.

 

In a blender combine the following:

 

Hey Jill can you hand me that lime? Thanks.

 

1 part vermouth

 

Whoa, wrong bottle. Hey Jill can you hand me that tequila bottle over there and take this one? Wait, let me take a nip real quick. Wow, that’s kind of sweet, like wine.

 

1 part tequila, (one shot for me)

 

Cut a lime in half and squeeze… damn it! Jill can you get me another lime?

 

Cut a lemon in half and squeeze both ends it into the blender, making sure no seeds get in there.

 

Oh thanks, Jill. Cut a lime in half and follow the directions for the lemon.

 

Now I like to add two tablespoons of sugar and… What, why are you yelling at me? What do you mean that’s not sugar? Oh, really? That’s uh… gonna certainly change things.

 

Um… OK, let’s see…

 

1 part tequila, (one shot for me)

 

Add some ice

 

2 parts margarita mix

 

2 parts tequila, (one shot for me)

 

Hey, what’s up Rick? What’s going on man? Long time, huh? What ya been up to? No shit? That’s crazy! For realz? Right on. Yeah, for sure.

 

OK, let’s see…

 

1 part tequila (one shot for me)

 

1 part margarita mix

 

1 quick shot for me

 

This half empty beer here

 

1 part brown liquor with no label that smells like turpentine

 

1 part vermouth

 

1 part vodka

 

Three, no four olives

 

1 part tequila, (two shots for me)

 

Turn on your blender

 

OK, make sure the blender is plugged in…

 

Turn on your blender

 

DAMN IT! Make sure the lid is on your blender…

 

Lick the remaining concoction off of Jill’s face.

 

And there you have it, the perfect margarita!

 

Egg On,

Ramblin’ Rooster

Advertisements

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

May 31, 2009 at 4:41 am

12 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Hey Roost,
    It ain’t clear whether the blender splattered margarita on Jill’s face or do we have to splatter it ourselves to make it perfect. (I know you’ve got a mean streak).

    pochp

    May 31, 2009 at 5:24 am

    • pochp, I’m so happy to read from you again. I needed your unique and witty take on things. The answer is that you have to get it on Jill’s face without her knowing that you intended to get it on her face. Otherwise she won’t let you lick it off.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 1, 2009 at 3:23 am

  2. Ah… hahaha!

    That’s fucking awesome. Brilliant post.

    The last instruction or two remind me of Ike’s recipes for “Tina Turnovers.” Only slightly less violent and humiliating.

  3. Your parties are awesome and your margaritas rock! I still don’t understand why I can’t sleep or eat for two days afterwards though.

    Scott Oglesby

    May 31, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, I’m glad you enjoy the parties and I have no idea why you can’t sleep. I end up sleeping for three days afterwards.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 1, 2009 at 3:35 am

  4. This was a crackup. How do I get invited to the next party? Will you serve bottles of whiskey?

    Claire Collins

    May 31, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    • Claire Collins, I thought I saw you at the party. Weren’t you in the corner with Alpo and Lion T.? I’m told you’re not allowed to have bottles of whiskey… something about violence or making Tina Turnovers.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 1, 2009 at 3:37 am

  5. Ohhh that’s why I can’t remember. Too many margaritas and Alpo and Lion T. have that effect on me.

    And apparently, now I have a drinking problem and according to Don Mills, a gambling problem as well. Someone may need to do an intervention soon.

    Claire Collins

    June 1, 2009 at 4:15 am

    • Claire Collins, Oooo, dibs on reading my letter first! I love interventions!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 1, 2009 at 5:30 am

      • You been to a few of those, huh RR? Which side of the intervention were you on?

        Claire Collins

        June 1, 2009 at 5:50 am

        • Claire Collins, I attend an intervention at least once a week. They are always for me. It’s Farmer Brown and a couple of chikcs I know.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 2, 2009 at 4:57 am


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: