Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

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Soft Cookies

with 22 comments

I enjoy eating cookies. Maybe more, maybe less than you, but my addiction, it’s up there with Cookie Monster, (pre-vegetable & sensible). I like all kinds of cookies, excluding diet/diabetic cookies, but other than that I’m good to munch. Fancy, homemade, store bought, gourmet, po-boy or classic cookies, they’re all great to me.


Today in the kitchen there was a package of cookies sitting on the counter. I opened them, took one out and popped it in my mouth as if it would escape if I didn’t “wolf it” down. Holy soft cookie! I looked at the package to see that these were. Sure enough, right there in plain sight, “soft cookies”.


What is a soft cookie? When are cookies ever soft, or at least soft like this? This thing tasted like cooked dough. I know that when they come out of the oven their soft, but these didn’t have a “fresh oven baked taste”. I don’t think they were trying for that taste either.


I’m not a scientist so please bear with me, but how do those cookies stay so soft. It was like they boiled the dough or something, I really have no idea. All I do know is that those cookies just aren’t right. After eating half the package I felt kind of “plasticy” or “chemically”. If I was to die then and there I could have forgone the embalming process because I’d be perfectly preserved for years to come.


Cookies aren’t suppose to be soft and chewy, are they?


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


22 Responses

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  1. Homemade cookies can stay soft if you put a piece of white bread in the sealed container with the cookies. Homemade peanut butter cookies will stay softer if you undercook the cookie just a bit because peanut butter is very sensitive and burns easily, thus becoming harder.

    As for storebought cookies? They’re just slowly embalming you and hiding it as a sweet treat.

    Claire Collins

    June 11, 2009 at 5:31 am

    • Claire Collins, cookies don’t stay soft with bread, they suck the life right out of it. It’s theft! One million cookies eaten, zero cost funeral.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 12, 2009 at 4:06 am

      • Rooster my friend, I will send you homemade cookies.

        Claire Collins

        June 12, 2009 at 6:26 am

        • Claire Collins, the soft and chewy wheel gets the cookie!

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 13, 2009 at 4:51 am

          • I thought the early bird got the soft chewy cookies? There’s no bird earlier than a rooster is there?

            Claire Collins

            June 13, 2009 at 6:26 am

            • Claire Collins, you’re so much better at this mashed cliche game than I…

              Ramblin' Rooster

              June 14, 2009 at 4:11 am

              • I couldn’t do them without you. It’s the back and forth that’s fun.

                Claire Collins

                June 14, 2009 at 5:02 am

                • Claire Collins, I wish I had a blushing emoticon… thanks. You know basketball is back and forth too, but it’s the dunk that everyone pays to see.

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  June 14, 2009 at 6:07 am

                  • 😳

                    Claire Collins

                    June 14, 2009 at 4:10 pm

                    • Claire Collins, yes, just like that.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 15, 2009 at 3:30 am

                    • I stole it from Alan. it’s like this : oops : but you delete the spaces between the colons and the word so it’s all together.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 15, 2009 at 5:22 am

                    • Claire Collins, I know this sounds a wee light in the loafers, but that Alan has the nicest emoticons I’ve ever seen.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 16, 2009 at 4:33 am

                    • I’m very jealous of his emoticons. I haven’t figured them all out yet.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 16, 2009 at 5:05 am

                    • Claire Collins, why not just ask Alan for his emoticon cheat sheet. He seems very kind in nature.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 16, 2009 at 5:33 am

  2. I just saw some guy on some show who told everyone not to eat food with more than 4 ingredients. I’ll bet those soft cookies have more than 4 ingredients! I think you should just stick to pb&j’s and TGIF!!!! We could all go, it’ll be fun!!

    Scott Oglesby

    June 11, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, I just looked at the ingredients on my store bought cookies. I’m not sure how many ingredients there are. This package starts off with, “Ingredients: Issue 74, Volume 88”.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 12, 2009 at 4:10 am

  3. Might just be a way to market factory fuck-ups.

    “What gluesniffer undercooked this batch? That’s coming out of your paycheck. Unless…”

    Enjoy your factory seconds.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    June 12, 2009 at 6:18 pm

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