Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Keep Stroking The Keys

with 19 comments

I get it. I totally accept it. I mismanaged my life when I was young. I made some bad career decisions and consequence has caught up with me. Now I’m stuck as a desk jockey for the rest of my life. “I’ve made my bad and now I have to lie in it”. Is that really how that saying goes? Please someone tell me what that’s about, because it’s moronic.

 

I was at the copier today, scanning a file, e-mailing it to myself. The way this works is you put the paper on the glass or the top loading tray, hit the “e-mail” button, hit the “search” button, type the first few letters of your name, find you name, press the button of your name, then hit the green button on the copier. In a few moments the “magic happens” and your scan appears in an e-mail attachment back at your computer. Whoopee!

 

As I was standing at the copier doing this, running my fingers over the keys with my soft and gentle approach, stroking the machine in the early afternoon, still reeling from the soft and chewy cookies I had at lunch, I thought to myself, “How many times have I done this exact same thing?”

 

This spawned the thought of how many times have I’ve done all this crap I do everyday. Over and over again, slowly, but surely, ensuring what can only be incurable insanity at the end of a long and monotonous career.

 

I’m sure the subject matter has been used many times in pop culture, but the one that I remember most was a ‘Saturday Night Live’ sketch, (Dana Carvey/John Larroquette: ‘Heaven Has The Answers’ I think) where a man dies and goes to heaven and asks about all the things in his life. What’s the biggest opportunity I missed, the grossest thing I ever ate, how many spiders crawled in my mouth, etc.

 

I often long to have the statistics of my mundane life to read and study, I wish I knew how many time I pushed the same button or walked the same hallway or turned my head to see if my boss was coming. I think it’d be neat to have a tally of the way in which I wasted my life. I think it’s the only salvageable or decent thing you could get out the redundancy. I estimate that I’ve walked to the copier 13,000 times since I’ve worked for my current company and that’s a very conservative estimate.

 

I’ve typed my sign off 264 times. Make it 265… See what I mean?

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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19 Responses

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  1. So what did you want to be when you were a little rooster? There are much worse jobs out there than being a desk jockey.

    Claire Collins

    June 12, 2009 at 6:34 am

    • Claire Collins, when I was a little rooster I wanted to be a goat. Later, as a mid-sized rooster I wanted to be a horse. At near full grown rooster and old enough to know better, I figured out that I wanted to be anything but a rooster I didn’t even care anymore. Now as a aging rooster I have accepted the fact that I am a rooster and must from hear on out complain about it randomly as I cry about to complete strangers whom I call friends.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 13, 2009 at 4:56 am

      • When I was younger, I dreamed of having a desk job. First, I dreamed of being a writer. Then, when I was a cashier during the day and waiting tables at night, I would’ve given anything to have a job where I got to sit down at a desk and work on a computer. Now I get to write when I’m not at my day job working at a computer and sitting on my ass and complaining that all I do is sit on my ass.

        I should’ve wished I was a horse.

        Claire Collins

        June 13, 2009 at 6:31 am

        • Claire Collins, it’s never too late to be a horse.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 14, 2009 at 4:14 am

          • But if we were horses, we’d bitch about someone being on our backs all the time.

            “Damn people, always riding me. Get off my back!”

            It’s the corporate world all over, it’s just in a field instead.

            I goat would be pretty cool except that I’d want to be one with horns and I don’t want to be a walking trash can.

            My mother had geese when I was a kid. Those things can be vicious.

            Ohh, let’s be sharks.

            Claire Collins

            June 14, 2009 at 4:59 am

  2. I say that if you are getting (or already are) bored then make a change! I could see you doing something creatively! I know I left Pittsburgh kind of impulsively after a bad divorce, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! If you’re down then now is the time to think about it. Or if not take the fax and copier outside and combine the baseball bat scenes from “Office Space” and “Casino” into an orgy of Louisville slugger and flying plastic!!
    I’m heading to London tomorrow to visit my wife’s parents for 10 days, I’ll try to keep commenting and posting but if I don’t make it as much you’ll know why.

    Scott Oglesby

    June 12, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, that’s an awesome picture you paint, but what those movies don’t show you is the after part of being handcuffed and paying outlandish fines. It’s an awesome moment, but not worth it in the long run. As far as pickin’ up and blowin’ town, I wish i had your courage. Is it for sell?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 13, 2009 at 4:58 am

  3. Well, that post was so depressing it conjured up a Joy Division tune. Parts of it, at least. Digital with its repeated chorus of:
    Day in, day out, day in, day out

    It kind of ends in a hopeful note. (Hopeful, with a hint of desperation. This is Joy Division after all.)

    I see you fade away, don’t ever fade away
    I need you here today, don’t ever fade away
    Don’t ever fade away
    Fade away, fade away

    I guess the positive point that I’m trying to make through a suicidal man’s words is: these pointless repetitions are probably being done to benefit you or someone else.

    In my case, it’s my family. In your case, it’s whatever it is.

    Need a vacation? You’ve got to save the money and time off by doing the same thing over and over again.

    Want your kids to be clothed, fed and housed? Same thing.

    To badly coin a phrase: don’t let it fade you. You and your hopes and dreams will always be larger than the sum of the monotonous, life-sapping, out-of-your-control parts.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    June 12, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, I’m sorry for depressing you and I’m shocked at your compassion. Not that you wouldn’t possess the trait, just that you’d throw it at me. I felt like I was sitting on grandpa’s lap after skinning my knee and you gave me that warm, gooey Werther’s butterscotch candy.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 13, 2009 at 5:02 am

      • You must have an awesome Granpa considering he’d quote Joy Division to you while patching your knee up.

        I don’t mind throwing some compassion your way. I don’t use it very often, so it’s in near-mint condition.

        You make me laugh, which ranks pretty high in my book. (Things I Dig by CLT, available in fine imaginary bookstores.)

        Capitalist Lion Tamer

        June 13, 2009 at 12:47 pm

        • Capitalist Lion Tamer, please let me know when your signing gig is at the imaginary bookstore, ’cause I’m a huge fan and I have all your books and not the paperbacks, but the expensive hard covers.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 14, 2009 at 4:18 am

    • That’s nicely said, CLT.

      And don’t forget, we can also dance to Joy Divison and celebrate the irony.

      alantru

      June 13, 2009 at 5:07 am

  4. Great post, Rooster.

    I have to say that Scott makes a good point. It was taking a chance that changed my life.

    alantru

    June 13, 2009 at 5:10 am

    • alantru, but if I chanced changing my life how would I still be the typical, scared, whining, complainant? Actually, I didn’t know I had opened a vein with that post. I really only meant that I’m easily fascinated by repetition. Like how many times have you or I or anyone typed the word “the”? Sorry to have gotten everyone so whipped up, but I dig the support. For tonight, I don’t look down on humanity! God save the Queen!!!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 13, 2009 at 5:39 am


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