Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of

No Wonder I Killed You

with 44 comments

Back in ’73 when I was a black ops agent, I use to do a lot of horrible things. Killing people was an everyday reality. Some days I’d stand in the shower for hours trying to wash the stench of blood from my soul. You can never get over taking someone’s life. All you can do is numb that part of your conscious that knows it’s wrong. You can never forget the screams…


Whoops sorry, this isn’t my blog. It’s chapter 158 of my new novel, “Cliché War Stories From Someone Who Never Went To War, But Loves Soldiers and Battle Scenes”. Sorry.


Anyway, have you ever run into an ex that became an ex because you couldn’t stand to be around them anymore? Was the break extremely nasty and filled with drama and fireworks so powerful that friends still remember it in detail and talk about it from time to time because it has “classic moments” like “she threw a chair through the window” and “he pulled a knife from behind the bar”? Have you ever ran into this ex and were forced to be in close, inescapable quarters like an elevator or a car? Has this time together been for extended periods of time that felt like years or even decades and fostered uncomfortable conversations that made you want to pull your fingernails off? Have any of these conversations picked up right were they left off years ago? Did you find yourself reliving a life you have since then wished had never happened, thinking to yourself “What’s wrong with this person” or “No amount of medication can fix this”? And at the end of all the misery and torture did you find yourself saying something that you didn’t mean like, “Yeah, I’m glad we finally worked this out” or “It is good that we figured out what went wrong” or “It was nice to see you too and yes, I think we could be friends again”?


Yeah, me neither.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


44 Responses

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  1. Me neither.


    June 15, 2009 at 4:46 am

    • pochp, we’re so much alike. Seriously, where is your avatar? Your black hole facade is too much. It keeps drawing me into an abyss…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 16, 2009 at 4:30 am

  2. Okay, you got me twice! With the first paragraph, I was into it and thinking, “Wow, where’s he going with this?”

    And then you throw me for a loop. Whoops, indeed! Chapter 158? holy shit!

    I read through the next paragraphs thinking you ran into an old flame and you were a strong enough person to put aside old grievances and move on.
    Nope. Got me again.

    It’s okay though. I avoid my ex’s like the plague. There are reasons those people are ex’s and not current’s!

    Claire Collins

    June 15, 2009 at 5:13 am

    • Claire Collins, yes, yes and a BIG YES! You think chapter 158 is shit, you should check out chapter 439. You’d end up hanging yourself.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 16, 2009 at 4:31 am

      • I think I’ll skip that chapter.

        Claire Collins

        June 16, 2009 at 5:03 am

        • Claire Collins, that’s probably a good idea. Chapter 11,234 looks promising though…

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 16, 2009 at 5:32 am

          • Just send me the steamy chapters. Or I could write some for you if you’re short on words. It will take me decades to read all of yours!

            Claire Collins

            June 16, 2009 at 5:46 am

            • Claire Collins, this is a war book, what kind of don’t ask, don’t tell steaminess are you looking for? I’m not writing it to be read, I’m writing it to be in the Guinness book or world records.

              Ramblin' Rooster

              June 17, 2009 at 3:38 am

              • I write romances. That’s my kind of steaminess.

                How can your book be in the guiness book when your book is so much bigger than that book? If your book was in the guiness book, then wouldnt the guiness book then become the largest book? or are you doing it based solely on chapters?

                Claire Collins

                June 17, 2009 at 5:17 am

                • Claire Collins, have I ever told you about my friend Literal Larry? Oh yeah, that’s right, he’s dead. I just want the little blurb, a line or two, “The longest book ever written was ‘War Stories To Make You Hate War But Love Battle’ was written by Ramblin’ Rooster consisting of six million chapters”.

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  June 18, 2009 at 4:26 am

                  • I was really looking forward to seeing the entire text within the Guinness book. My hopes and expectations are dashed again.

                    6 Million chapters? Well honey, if you’re going to dream, dream big!

                    Claire Collins

                    June 18, 2009 at 4:47 am

                    • Claire Collins, there’s just something hurtful, no matter what, when a woman tells you to “dream big”.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 18, 2009 at 5:10 am

                    • The only time it should be a problem is when a woman is saying “I dreamed you were bigger”.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 18, 2009 at 5:25 am

                    • Claire Collins, I still think “dream big” could go in a lot of directions, all of which ending in tears.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 19, 2009 at 4:43 am

                    • We may have to have an in depth discussion regarding your irrational big dream fears.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 19, 2009 at 5:11 am

                    • Claire Collins, “irrational big dream fears”, yeah, this is going to go well. There not irrational. Rooster’s that dream big, buy the farm!

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 19, 2009 at 5:41 am

                    • Then you could throw Farmer Brown out of the farmhouse and move all of the chicks in. Why wouldn’t you want to buy the… ohhhhhhh

                      Claire Collins

                      June 19, 2009 at 6:29 am

                    • Claire Collins, exactly! My brother fell for that whole, “buy the farm” trick and now he’s nothing more that a pile of feathers and picked over bones.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 20, 2009 at 4:39 am

  3. Ex’s, black ops. Ex’s, black ops. Let’s talk about black ops shall we!


    June 15, 2009 at 6:10 am

    • fundamentaljelly, welcome to the chaos. Let’s talk about black ops! Please turn to Chapter 6123 of “Hollywood Blockbuster Rocket Pocket Action Sizzler” and begin with Lt. Collins saying, “Damn it, you hold on! Ya here me? Just hold on!”

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 16, 2009 at 4:39 am

  4. Well I moved to Florida, then Spain. Nuff Said!

    Scott Oglesby

    June 15, 2009 at 8:26 am

  5. Man, I loves me some cliches. I’ll be looking for your war book in the back pages of Guiness (Other Shit We Listed But Can’t Be Bothered to Highlight with A Picture or Even Boldface).

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    June 18, 2009 at 1:19 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, the last time I talked with Mr. Guiness he told me that I may in fact be listed on the bookmark that accompanies the hardcover book as a free gift, (internet purchases only).

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 18, 2009 at 4:43 am

  6. I can’t stay sad for long. Life’s too short.

    Claire Collins

    June 21, 2009 at 5:12 am

    • Claire Collins, my grandfather use to say, “life’s too short for me to stay with your grandma”.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 21, 2009 at 5:26 am

      • That entire concept kinda boggles my mind. Did Grandpa leave for a younger woman? Decide to go it alone since grandma was getting old?

        I think that if you’re at the point where you’re telling your grandchildren that life’s too short to stay with your spouse, then it’s already too late and you’re probably a lifer.

        Claire Collins

        June 21, 2009 at 5:38 am

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