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Archive for June 18th, 2009

Mow Me Down

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For those of you born and raised in the concrete jungle or the asphalt tundra, you probably don’t know, (or possible even care) about the burden of the lawn. If you’re pure city livin’ you may not even know that lawns truly exist. It could just be that when you here folks talking about grass the first thing that comes to your mind is Bob Marley or “I got a new bong, will you be my friend?”


I was born and raised in the Midwest. I still live here as a matter of fact. I’ve mowed a lawn my entire life. I’m not certain, because my folks always blush and clam up, but I think I may have been conceived on a riding mower. Although I have cut the grass for as long as I can remember, to be quite honest, I hate grass and lawn care for two reasons. One is that I never learned about how to properly care for your lawn and two is because I never cared about how to properly care for your lawn.


To me grass is just an obnoxious weed that never stops taunting you. I have never watered my lawn or spread fertilizer or “weed and feed”. Yet, much to my chagrin, it does just fine without my help. It doesn’t seem to be bothered in the slightest that I treat it as though I’m trying to kill it. It is a very ugly lawn though. I’m not sure there is even grass growing in there. All I know is it’s green and that’s close enough for me. Oddly the grass that looks the best is the grass that I didn’t even know existed, (like the grass growing in the two foot space between the garage and the fence. That is some lush, happy grass man.


I don’t know what it is about this social behavior that’s forced upon us to mow our lawns. There’s the automatic inheritance of lawn care that comes with your house. My wife is always complaining about how horrible our lawn looks. I guess in a previous life she worked for “Better Than Yours Home and Gardens”.


To me, mowing a lawn is insanity delivered by manual labor. Mow it down, it comes right back. Mow it again and grows right back. If you mow a strip, turn off your mower and lay down. You can actually hear it laughing while seeing it grow back. Mowing, mowing and mowing. You can never win, you can never beat it.


It’s even a law, (to drive it home even further). Don’t mow your grass, the city comes out and does it for you at the rate of $32 a minute.


There have been styles and fashion as vast as they were hideous. Why can’t long grass become a fashion? Why can’t “overgrown yard” be trendy? Why can’t al-nat-U-ral be the craze?


The season has only just begun and I’m already sick of it.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster