Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Mow Me Down

with 25 comments

For those of you born and raised in the concrete jungle or the asphalt tundra, you probably don’t know, (or possible even care) about the burden of the lawn. If you’re pure city livin’ you may not even know that lawns truly exist. It could just be that when you here folks talking about grass the first thing that comes to your mind is Bob Marley or “I got a new bong, will you be my friend?”

 

I was born and raised in the Midwest. I still live here as a matter of fact. I’ve mowed a lawn my entire life. I’m not certain, because my folks always blush and clam up, but I think I may have been conceived on a riding mower. Although I have cut the grass for as long as I can remember, to be quite honest, I hate grass and lawn care for two reasons. One is that I never learned about how to properly care for your lawn and two is because I never cared about how to properly care for your lawn.

 

To me grass is just an obnoxious weed that never stops taunting you. I have never watered my lawn or spread fertilizer or “weed and feed”. Yet, much to my chagrin, it does just fine without my help. It doesn’t seem to be bothered in the slightest that I treat it as though I’m trying to kill it. It is a very ugly lawn though. I’m not sure there is even grass growing in there. All I know is it’s green and that’s close enough for me. Oddly the grass that looks the best is the grass that I didn’t even know existed, (like the grass growing in the two foot space between the garage and the fence. That is some lush, happy grass man.

 

I don’t know what it is about this social behavior that’s forced upon us to mow our lawns. There’s the automatic inheritance of lawn care that comes with your house. My wife is always complaining about how horrible our lawn looks. I guess in a previous life she worked for “Better Than Yours Home and Gardens”.

 

To me, mowing a lawn is insanity delivered by manual labor. Mow it down, it comes right back. Mow it again and grows right back. If you mow a strip, turn off your mower and lay down. You can actually hear it laughing while seeing it grow back. Mowing, mowing and mowing. You can never win, you can never beat it.

 

It’s even a law, (to drive it home even further). Don’t mow your grass, the city comes out and does it for you at the rate of $32 a minute.

 

There have been styles and fashion as vast as they were hideous. Why can’t long grass become a fashion? Why can’t “overgrown yard” be trendy? Why can’t al-nat-U-ral be the craze?

 

The season has only just begun and I’m already sick of it.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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25 Responses

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  1. Grass. Beautiful, green, soft grass. I bet you have trees too? You got something against trees?

    I grew up in the midwest and now I live in the desert. There is no real grass here. No real trees. My lawn is made of rocks. Everything is brown.

    I miss trees and grass. I’ll come mow your yard!

    Claire Collins

    June 18, 2009 at 5:05 am

    • Claire Collins, I like trees ’cause you don’t have to mow them. I think it’s time for ‘Blog Swap’, (you gettin’ this Scott? Another free reality show for ya!). I’d love to live in the desert.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 18, 2009 at 5:15 am

      • Blog swap? Educate me.

        I’ve been here for 16 years and I’m sick of it. I’ll trade you any time you want. I’ll even throw in the pool and all 4 kids.

        I’m already sending you the oldest. You might as well take the other 3 too. Although, I do really still like the littlest one. She’s a lot like me. Maybe I’ll keep her and leave you the boys. And the pool!

        Claire Collins

        June 18, 2009 at 5:31 am

        • Claire Collins, I just thought we could trade lives. I’ll take your kids and DEFINITELY the pool and you can have my methadone treatments.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 19, 2009 at 4:47 am

          • I’m not sure this is a fair trade. The kids will probably end up making rooster stew out of you. And I could quit the methodone treatments immediately.

            Claire Collins

            June 19, 2009 at 5:16 am

            • Claire Collins, you say that now, but they’ve just come out with Green Apple, Cherry-Vanilla and Chocolate methadone. As far as the stew goes I got all kinds of ninja-spur-kicks.

              Ramblin' Rooster

              June 19, 2009 at 5:44 am

              • MMmmmm Cherry vanilla chocolate methodone….

                Okay my feathery friend, explain the roosteregg.com to me?

                Claire Collins

                June 19, 2009 at 6:36 am

                • Claire Collins, what I understand about RoosterEgg.com is that it’s a website that offers artists of all mediums to sell and/or share their work for free. I’m told things aren’t going well and no one’s using the service. The powers that be have told me that they’re thinking of pulling the plug if things don’t improve.

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  June 20, 2009 at 4:42 am

                  • That’s sad. Are you an artist?
                    I was curious because this is the offical blog and I’m just not very offical.

                    I have plans in the works to open a bookstore with an artist’s gallery and wine in North Carolina.

                    Claire Collins

                    June 20, 2009 at 5:12 am

                    • Claire Collins, it is sad and the owners/operators are sad, but such is life I suppose. My blog was thought to be a way for gaining attention and hopefully attracting traffic, but I guess I didn’t do to well.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 20, 2009 at 5:26 am

                    • I thought you did a great job. You’re still my favorite rooster.

                      Claire Collins

                      June 20, 2009 at 5:35 am

                    • Claire Collins, that’s nice of you to say, but I did really drop the ball. I never blogged about it or linked to it or even dropped hints, (except for that one time). It’ll be interesting to see where I fall when the axe, (bodyspray) comes down.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 20, 2009 at 5:42 am

                    • You’ll come out smelling like a rose?

                      Ok, so why a rooster?

                      Claire Collins

                      June 20, 2009 at 6:02 am

                    • Claire Collins, that’s so cosmic. I was originally going to be called Ramblin’ Rose… I didn’t pick the rooster, it chose me.

                      Ramblin' Rooster

                      June 21, 2009 at 4:18 am

  2. RR,
    Sell the mower,your house & belongings to buy grass instead. Then move to a concrete jungle housing estate where you will find yourself with like minded company on the subject of mowing lawns but enjoy your readily available grass. Initially you might seem aloof to the natives who were concieved in the back of a battered car or back seat of a public bus and not on the seat of a posh ride on lawn mower, but you can always endear them to you further by complimenting them on their unkempt gardens.

    justsomebloke

    June 18, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    • justsomebloke, when you say “unkempt gardens” are we talking tomato plants or bush? I think I might follow your advice. I’ve always wanted a $4200 a month apartment. I wonder if I could grow grass in my apartment. Thanks for coming back for more!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 19, 2009 at 4:50 am

      • For $4200/month, you’ll only be able to afford to grown one type of grass.

        You know what I’m talking about.

        Kentucky Bluegrass. The king of grass. Needs only the occasional mint julep and roll in the hay with a cousin to stay green and healthy all year round.

        Oh. And horse manure. Easy enough to find in the city. Just follow the cops around thru Central Park. Their majestic steeds can’t go all night without dropping a load, can they? The patrolmen should be able to ask that question.

        You can also ask them that if you were to be arrested, would you be able to take a ride “downtown” on the back of the horse? If they say “yes,” you know what to do.

        Show ’em your homemade grass.

        Capitalist Lion Tamer

        June 19, 2009 at 8:22 pm

        • Capitalist Lion Tamer, if you ever get tired of your brain, let me know. I’d love to have it.

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 20, 2009 at 5:18 am

  3. Little known fact: If you continually yell at your grass and insult and belittle it, you can shame it to stop growing. Give it a try. I yell at mine at night. Around 2am. After several drinks.

    Go for it!

    alantru

    June 19, 2009 at 3:20 am

    • alantru, I’ve never heard that, but it sheds a lot of light into the horrors of my childhood and poor, ol’ father. I will be trying out your advice tonight. Thank you!

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 19, 2009 at 4:51 am

    • Alan, I’ve done the same thing. Only with a headful of acid. And I was yelling with the grass.

      It was beautiful. And apparently against the law.

      Capitalist Lion Tamer

      June 19, 2009 at 8:18 pm

  4. I thought I’d commented on this yesterday, went to read it, and just saw that I didn’t. I’d better really cut down on the deodorant and grass!
    The pressures of suburbia got to me, which is why I moved. I got to a point that I just couldn’t handle one more Saturday of grass cutting and car washing neighbors. I couldn’t take one more conversation about lawn care.
    Now I miss my lush green lawn. I guess the grass is always greener. Aaaaahhhhh. Badabada…bing!! Ok. That was horrible.

    Scott Oglesby

    June 19, 2009 at 8:29 am

    • Scott Oglesby, horribly awesome! I heard the cymbal shot… I thought it was excellent use of material and execution.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 20, 2009 at 4:44 am

  5. Lawn ‘al-nat-U-ral’ should be the craze because lawns are ecologically a poor choice. Way to stand up for the planet RR, good job.

    fundamentaljelly

    June 20, 2009 at 2:22 am

    • fundamentaljelly, oh yeah, sticking up for the plant, totally, that blog had nothing to do wiht my ass being lazy… I’m glad you picked up on that.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 20, 2009 at 5:20 am


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