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Archive for June 24th, 2009

Smell My Macho

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I’ve always admired those who are macho. Well I guess envied would be more the appropriate description. Just like the Charles Atlas ads in the back of my favorite comic books, I’ve always felt like the guy getting sand kicked in my face. Not that I ever was the picked on kid, but rather somewhere in the middle of flexing my stuff and picking sand out of my teeth. Truth is I’ve never even been to a beach.


Anyhoo, I’ve always wanted to be macho. Other than the body building physique, I’ve always lacked the commitment, discipline and energy to be macho. Staying “puffed up” all the time takes extraordinary muscle control and you have to commit 100%. There’s no “I’m macho, get out of way” and “Sure, I’ll hold the baby.” It’s one way or no way!


What I admire most in “the macho” is of course the lack of thinking, both in the immediate and long term faculties. Macho can’t be troubled to “think through” those menacing threats. They’re lucky just to get words out at all. I’d like to take a vacation from thought and just be. Walking down the street, muscles flexing and flapping in a cologne drenched wind, women rubbing on my legs while I walk all the while I’m still counting reps in my head from my morning breakfast. “148… 149… 150” So engrossed that I don’t even notice the bus that’s about to hit me as it slams on the breaks. Even a inanimate object know not to mess with “the macho”.


My favorite macho-ism line is of course, “What are you looking at?” If ever an opportunity was given, this would be it. Even those who are self described as “slow” or “not quick on the uptake” can fire back to this gapping wide hole of “please make me look like an idiot”. Not since, “Do you want to go to my place?” has such an open ended question received such rapid response.


There are other wonderful zingers that stem from “the machos”, like, “You got a problem?” “What are you going to do about it?” “You gonna make me?” “You want some of this?” and “I’m going to beat the living shit out of you!” Of course that last one should probably be moved into a different category, like ‘Know When To Walk Away, Know When To Run’, (or as I affectionately call it the Kenny List).


Being macho isn’t about being smart or cool or popular or well liked. It’s about being macho and that’s it. It’s a lifestyle as much as it is a religion. There’s nothing a man wouldn’t do to be macho and if says otherwise he’s a liar-sissy-homo-girl.


Yeah, that felt good…


What are you looking at?!


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

June 24, 2009 at 3:57 am