Smell My Macho Follow-Up
I sent a letter to the Macho Association of America, (M.A.A.) to apply for membership into the Macho club, (something I didn’t know you had to do until today). They require you to write a letter explaining why you should be accepted into their prestigious club. Actually the website said, “So you wanna be one of us, huh? Prove it! Make us think you are macho man enough to be us!”
Below is what I sent in. Please tell me what you think.
Hey MAA,
I wanna be macho, like bad, like real bad. I would be good macho. I would macho all the time. I think I should be macho cuz I hate smart people for five reasons:
A. Because they’re smart
B. Because I had a terrible childhood, suffer from low self-esteem and I’ve never made a woman smile in bed and I’m desperate to overcompensate for it
C. Cuz smart people are stupid
D. Cuz I wanna be macho
I have a really good feeling about my letter. I think it pretty much sums up the entire movement. I’m confident that I nailed it. I’m thinking I could even be made president of the club, but I’m getting way ahead of myself. Let’s just hope for a call.
Wish me luck and offer up any criticism you might have.
Egg On!
Ramblin’ Rooster
Sunday's drive up your blog... with Ramblin' Rooster 
You’re still too smart. You should’ve mispelled a lot of words and used “ya know” and “like” a lot.
Nice try though. you may still make president assuming the other members can actually read.
Claire Collins
June 25, 2009 at 5:05 am
Claire Collins, it’s my understanding that the postal person is taken captive upon the mail arriving and forced to read the mail out loud.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 26, 2009 at 3:25 am
Of course they would do that since they are all so macho. Why didn’t I realize that? And if it’s a female postal carrier, they’re obligated to call her “babe” and slap her on the ass before they release her aren’t they?
Claire Collins
June 26, 2009 at 3:54 am
Claire Collins, she’d be lucky to only get a slap on the ass… know what I’m sayin’… hee hee mmm mmm
Ramblin' Rooster
June 26, 2009 at 4:27 am
Yep, You’re surely on your way to the presidency for that one. Macho AND chauvenistic. A double whammy!
Claire Collins
June 27, 2009 at 3:51 am
Claire Collins, I thought chauvinism and macho were synonymous. Or was that idiot and chauvinism? I can’t remember. Oh wait, it was dipshit.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 28, 2009 at 3:15 am
God I wish I could say that I’ve never made a woman smile in bed; they smile all the time. Smile, point, and laugh. sigh
Chicago has beaches, kinda, sorta, ya know? Since you said that you live in the mid-west I’ve assumed Chicago. You don’t mean the real mid-west do you? Like the heart land and the bible belt? I’m goin to have to interview you! Ya know?
Scott Oglesby
June 25, 2009 at 7:39 am
Scott Oglesby, nice flip there, (as always). I do a lot of juggling in bed and still nothing… When I say the Midwest, I mean the Midwest, where country music plays at Arby’s and women chew tobacco. I don’t care what anyone says, Chicago is not the Midwest. I’d love to be interviewed, but you’ll have to wait until my chores are done, (at sundown).
Ramblin' Rooster
June 26, 2009 at 3:28 am
I never knew making a woman smile in bed was so important. It seems like it’s bad if she smiles and bad if she doesn’t.
Claire Collins
June 26, 2009 at 3:57 am
Claire Collins, the smiling thing is confusing, that’s why she should always look the other way.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 26, 2009 at 4:28 am
I just keep my eyes closed.
Claire Collins
June 27, 2009 at 3:53 am
Claire Collins, that’s probably a good idea. It’s more romantic with eyes closed, (’cause you can think of whatever you want!).
Ramblin' Rooster
June 28, 2009 at 3:16 am
You should keep your eyes closed also, or have sex in the dark to avoid any problems with “Is she smiling or isn’t she smiling?”
Claire Collins
June 29, 2009 at 2:33 am
Claire Collins, that’s what the ball gag is for. I know what you’re saying, “If you have a ball gag on you can still see her.” I’m still trying to work it out.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 29, 2009 at 3:46 am
But seeing her isn’t the problem, smiling is the problem. The gag ball solves that problem. You also don’t have to hear her talk then. Of course, at that point, you might as well get a blow up girlfriend.
Claire Collins
June 29, 2009 at 4:09 am
Claire Collins, you know what, maybe she’s not laughing, and maybe she just has a small leak. Eureka! I think you’ve solved my problem. Thank you!
Ramblin' Rooster
June 29, 2009 at 4:34 am
Listen up, young man…
Let them know that you think “It’s fun to stay at the y-m-c-a. It’s fun to stay at the y-m-c-a.” They’ll make the Village People leap to Macho Man on their own. It’s sort of subtle and very effective.
Do that — and you’re in!
A working theory…
alantru
June 26, 2009 at 3:38 am
alantru, thanks for the tip. As soon as the leather shop opens up, I’ll grab my rental and kick down the door screaming YMCA!.
Ramblin' Rooster
June 26, 2009 at 4:25 am
Smart people. There’s no talking to them.
If you find yourself being outwitted by some MIT-grad/basement dweller, just use this handy phrase to unpaint yourself out of a corner (No, not Hitler comparisons. Save that for smokers and DailyKOS comment threads):
“Because fuck you, that’s why.”
It works for everybody, from Sean Connery to Tobey MacGuire. Whether delivered in a panty-melting Scottish brogue or a tween-titilatting edge-of-puberty squeak, this phrase quickly gains you the upper hand.
Who’s got the brain thing now, bigshot?
Capitalist Lion Tamer
June 26, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Capitalist Lion Tamer, you can’t see, but I’m writing all this down. You’re like… awesome! Will you be my macho sponsor?
Ramblin' Rooster
June 27, 2009 at 2:40 am
panty-melting Scottish brogue? Um I.. okay yeah it does do that…
CLT you don’t have to brag. We all know you have a huge brain.
Claire Collins
June 27, 2009 at 3:56 am