Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Stupid Food

with 14 comments

What is it with this whole “need to eat to survive” thing? Why does food have to always hang over my head as a necessity for life? Burning sensation in my stomach here and fainting from not eating there, it’s getting to be a real pain.

 

I use to live on the fast food, because it was cheap, fast, and you threw away the dishes. Then I took a moment to realize that I could buy fast food from the grocery store for half the price, but still reap all the wonders of the drive-thru cuisine.

 

So imagine my excitement to see:

 

Ramen noodles in a cup

Rice in a bag

Single serving Mac n/ Chez

(basically 100 shades and varieties of noodles. When did boiling water become a chore?)

Pre-Sliced pizza

Burritos, (meat/bean and breakfast)

Egg Rolls

Sausage biscuit, (full size and mini)

Chicken Fired Steak dinner

Chili dog

Corn dog

-the list literally goes on and on, so the variety is amazing.

 

I recently paid $25,000 to have a walk in freezer built on to my trailer to house all of this wonderful instant food. Please stop by and I’ll be glad to heat something up for you.

 

 

If I could be lazier, I’d probably stop breathing.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

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14 Responses

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  1. Yummy is one of my favorite words. It’s just so… well, yummy.

    You never should have installed a freezer worth more than your house. You could’ve installed real glass in ALL of the windows instead of plastic wrap.

    And it’s good to see that you’re eating so healthy!

    Claire Collins

    June 26, 2009 at 4:33 am

    • Claire Collins, who’d waste money on real glass? Stuuuuupid. I don’t eat the vegatables… just the skin off the meat and the brownie.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 26, 2009 at 4:45 am

      • I saw you eating a chicken sandwich the other day. Boy, was Mrs Rooster mad that day when those chicks finally went home.

        Claire Collins

        June 26, 2009 at 4:58 am

        • Claire Collins, raunchy and racy and all with poultry. I love it!

          Ramblin' Rooster

          June 27, 2009 at 2:33 am

          • It’s hard being this raunchy and racy with or without fowl.

            Just make sure none of your fast foods contain eggs. If you eat those, I’m afraid it would make you a cannibalistic pedophile.

            Claire Collins

            June 27, 2009 at 3:49 am

            • Claire Collins, if it’s hard to raunchy and racy then you’re doing it wrong. It’s not cannibalistic is they’re already cooked, right?

              Ramblin' Rooster

              June 28, 2009 at 3:11 am

              • How do I do it right?

                If they’re already cooked, then they’re just an egg right? Not offspring.

                Claire Collins

                June 29, 2009 at 2:31 am

                • Claire Collins, you do it right by not “doing it”, but by letting it flow, like the force. An egg is just an egg, so poetic. Just like ShakeN’Bakespeare…

                  Ramblin' Rooster

                  June 29, 2009 at 3:45 am

  2. Have you tried the Jimmy Dean ‘death on a stick’ breakfast? It may not be called that but I saw Jon Stewart talking about it, and it made me not miss America.
    Thank God I have my PB&J staple!
    God you just made me think of Eggo’s, damn it! I get these fucking cravings out of the blue and they hit me like a brick in the eye.
    Now I’m dreaming of Eggo’s. ahhhhh.

    Scott Oglesby

    June 26, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, tried Jimmy’s D.O.S.? Who do you think came up with the idea!?!?!? By the way, “leggo my eggo”.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 27, 2009 at 2:37 am

  3. WIth this bounty, you could live like a King. Well, like The King.

    When drugs take up all your time, you really start to appreciate something that’s ready in under 2 minutes.

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    June 26, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, I’m blogging on the toilet, do you think that’s a bad sign. It’s funny you bring up “the King”. It reminds me off a story about when he was… oh wait, the microwave just “binged”, gotta go stir and replace film…

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 27, 2009 at 2:39 am


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