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Archive for June 29th, 2009

Rejected Greeting Cards

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Long before I was strutting my stuff around the Brown’s farm, I was an aspiring greeting card writer. Something about writing the words to express the feelings of another person just really appealed to me. I’d sit at my desk scribbling emotions, dreaming of a stranger choosing my card in the aisle, signing their name to it and giving to someone. It was so exciting to think it could happen to me.


Needless to say, those dreams and aspirations never came to pass. I came across some of my drafts the other day while cleaning my roost and I thought I’d share them with you.


Front: Sometimes words are not enough to tell you how sorry I am.


Inside: I slept with your wife, but at least you know now that she’s a whore.



Front: Life can bring us hardship, but if make it through we come out on the other side a

           better person.


Inside: Sorry to hear about the divorce. Would you mind if I ask your ex-husband out?



Front: We all make mistakes.


Inside: Yours was not wearing a condom.



Front: I heard you didn’t get the promotion, that’s horrible.


Inside: So don’t about calling me boss on Monday, we can wait until Tuesday.



Front: Every cloud has a silver lining.


Inside: Except the one that rained for four days flooding your house.



Front: I just wanted to tell you that I loved you.


Inside: But then I’d be a liar.



Front: You are the most wonderful, beautiful and precious thing in the world to me.


Inside: Next to your sister.



Front: If I had to choose between you and a million dollars, the choice would be easy, it’s



Inside: The policy I took out on you is worth twice that much.



Front: Losing a pet can be very difficult to deal with.


Inside: So if you get another one, don’t put a tag on it that says, “Rabies” and maybe it

            won’t get shot.



Hard to believe Hallmark never called.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster