Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

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Rejected Greeting Cards

with 10 comments

Long before I was strutting my stuff around the Brown’s farm, I was an aspiring greeting card writer. Something about writing the words to express the feelings of another person just really appealed to me. I’d sit at my desk scribbling emotions, dreaming of a stranger choosing my card in the aisle, signing their name to it and giving to someone. It was so exciting to think it could happen to me.


Needless to say, those dreams and aspirations never came to pass. I came across some of my drafts the other day while cleaning my roost and I thought I’d share them with you.


Front: Sometimes words are not enough to tell you how sorry I am.


Inside: I slept with your wife, but at least you know now that she’s a whore.



Front: Life can bring us hardship, but if make it through we come out on the other side a

           better person.


Inside: Sorry to hear about the divorce. Would you mind if I ask your ex-husband out?



Front: We all make mistakes.


Inside: Yours was not wearing a condom.



Front: I heard you didn’t get the promotion, that’s horrible.


Inside: So don’t about calling me boss on Monday, we can wait until Tuesday.



Front: Every cloud has a silver lining.


Inside: Except the one that rained for four days flooding your house.



Front: I just wanted to tell you that I loved you.


Inside: But then I’d be a liar.



Front: You are the most wonderful, beautiful and precious thing in the world to me.


Inside: Next to your sister.



Front: If I had to choose between you and a million dollars, the choice would be easy, it’s



Inside: The policy I took out on you is worth twice that much.



Front: Losing a pet can be very difficult to deal with.


Inside: So if you get another one, don’t put a tag on it that says, “Rabies” and maybe it

            won’t get shot.



Hard to believe Hallmark never called.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


10 Responses

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  1. Start your own company and compete with them. These are going to be classics! Maybe you can use some of your LoveJuice money to start the “What I really think” greeting card co.

    Claire Collins

    June 29, 2009 at 4:38 am

  2. Avoid Hallmark at all costs. They require a drug test. Seriously. I once wrote a greeting card for them. It took two years and 516 rewrites to complete.

    The final result…

    Outside: A cartoon man holds a stone. It is covered in blood. By his feet lie several dead people who are bleeding from the head.

    Inside Caption: “Martin finally gets blood from a stone.”

    There was too much confusion over the card’s meaning for it to ever be successful. The drug testing bastards at Hallmark kept saying, “Yeah, it’s kind of funny, but is it for a birthday or an anniversary?”


    June 29, 2009 at 5:24 am

    • alantru, I’ll guess it’s for graduation. Thanks for the tip, but I must say if you can’t pass a drug test, you’ve got no business doing drugs.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      June 30, 2009 at 3:19 am

  3. Another hilarious post!
    Since I’m on a bit off a celebrity kick, I thought I’d throw my hat in the ring!

    Front: I’m so sorry for your loss.
    Inside: April Fools!!
    -Bernie Madoff

    We had fun,
    You had me in stitches,
    Too bad I put you to bed with the fishes.
    -Scott Peterson

    I heard you and Ron are headed- off!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
    -Al Capone

    Scott Oglesby

    June 29, 2009 at 11:55 am

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