Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of RoosterEgg.com

Archive for July 2009

Ask Me Later

with 18 comments

I just now came up with this theory: The only difference between being a child and being an adult, (besides all that physical stuff) is taste. Taste in everything from food to clothes plus anything in between. I loved cottage cheese as a kid. I haven’t eaten it almost twenty years. It seems like the things we like and the things we dislike, (or vice versa) flip-flop as we stumble threw the years.

 

One thing I’ve flip-flopped on is, “Ask Me Later”. Every computer I use, whether it’s at work or at home has some program that wants me to do something. Regardless of the severity of the decision it always gives me the option of “Ask Me Later”.

 

I know there’s a box to check that says, “Do ask me this again gosh dang it, how dare you to bother me with this dribble!” but I’ve never been decisive enough to make such a permanent choice.

 

At first I found this “Ask Me Later” to be very annoying, borderline comical even, a game that me and the computer would play. It would ask me to do something and I would blow it off, like the man who’s been engaged for two and half years. “Yeah, I’ll get around to it, just not now. Ask me later, OK?” Yeah right.

 

Then it started to grow on me. “Ask Me Later” isn’t just an annoying pop-up; it’s a way of life and one that needed to be thought of as the answer to all things difficult.

 

“Dad, where do babies come from?”

“Ask me later.”

“Do you want to go visit my parents this year for Thanksgiving?”

“Ask me later.”

“Did you take the last piece of cake that I was saving for when I got done with my double shift?”

“Ask me later.”

“Do you ever wish you were still with (insert name of ex-lover)?”

“Ask me later.”

“Who did you vote for?”

“Ask me later.”

“Are you wearing a condom?”

“Ask me later.”

 

You get the point. The usage is unlimited. You can avoid everything in life with this simple and easy to understand phrase. No longer will you ever have to commit to anything. Sure, you may think you have a nifty way of avoiding things with the old “can’t hear you over the water running” or “we must have a bad connection, you’re breaking up”, but the truth is they don’t hold a candle to, “Ask Me Later”.

 

“Why is this” you ask? The answer is simple. “Ask Me Later” is so ambiguous that it doesn’t lend itself to being a disappointment. It’s not a yes and it’s not a no. It’s completely benign, innocent and discourages debate.

 

If someone tries to get smart with you throwing out snappy comebacks like, “When later” or “You always say later” just repeat as necessary. They’ll give up long before you get tired of saying, “Ask me later”.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

 

 

Riddle Me Rooster:

 

What building has the most stories?

 

Submit you’re answer as a comment for the chance to win fabulous make-believe prizes and come back next Sunday for the answer. Good luck!

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Written by Ramblin' Rooster

July 27, 2009 at 3:26 am

At The Awards Ceremony – The Return of the Roost

with 22 comments

“Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in.”

 

“I can’t quit you babe, but I’m gonna half to put you down for a little while.”

 

And the award for most pathetic attempt to walk away from a blog goes to…

 

(drum roll)

 

Ramblin’ Rooster!

 

Thank you, thank you, what can I say? I’ve trained hard for this my whole life. It started with high school and then that job at Burger Hut and now my blog. What can I say, I like to quit, and I’m a quitter.

 

(INTERLUDE)

Ramblin’ Rooster is fast asleep in his nest, when sudden a blue fairy appears.

 

Blue Fairy: Ramblin’… oh Ramblin’… Ramblin’! Hey, wake up!!!

Ramblin’: What? Who is it?

Blue Fairy: It is I, your Blue Fairy.

Ramblin’: Blue Fairy? WTF?

Blue Fairy: What your dirty mouth or you’ll lose your beak.

Ramblin’: Sorry.

Blue Fairy: Oh Ramblin’ don’t quit your blog. Look how sad you made those four people. You need to find the courage and go see the Wizard of Oz. and then you’ll be…

Ramblin’: Hold up a minute there Fairy, I think you’re crossing your stories there.

Blue Fairy: Well then, as Pink says, the show must go on.

(END INTERLUDE)

 

Hi, I’m Ramblin’ Rooster and I quit my blog. Then a couple of my cohorts said, “You suck!” Well, that really touched a nerve and once I had it removed I decided that I should be there for my adoring fans.

 

SO, I’ve decided to give it the ol’ Farmer Brown heave-ho.

 

I hope you’ll join me every Sunday night for my new weekly blog.

 

Same ol’ Rooster, totally different time.

 

Egg ON!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Goodbye, So Long, Farewell

with 16 comments

Last night I was eating watermelon and lying under the picnic table watching the television that I mounted under there so I could lay under the picnic table and eat watermelon. A commercial came on telling me how much money I could get for simply sending them my unwanted gold, “Watches, chains, rings, broken jewelry and dental scrapes.”

 

This commercial really toyed with my emotions. I felt pulled in two completely different directions.

 

One – I’ve been smacking around the elderly for years to get their dental scrapes. Now, finally I have a way to get money for what I just kept in a jar on my mantle. People would come by the roost and say, “Wow, what’s this?” To which I’d happily reply, “That’s a jar full of dental scrap that I’ve been collecting over the years. You remember Mrs. Isley down the street? That’s her back molar right there.”

 

Two – My heart started to hurt. I know people talk about the grass being greener on the other side and how it’s bad to always want what you haven’t got, but seriously, somewhere out there is a woman with a solid gold mouth. I for one want her!

 

I’m not kidding, what is dental scrap?

 

Tonight was my 300th blog. Whoopee! It seemed like a good place to stop.

 

I want to thank all the wonderful people that stopped by and chatted with me, who left awesome comments and/or their point of view. I enjoyed reading your blogs as well and I am truly grateful to have been added to someone’s blogroll. It’s soooo 2000, but making it on someone’s blogroll is like winning a mini-Oscar, (more like a Tony) but it’s still awesome.

 

Everyone who was a regular and was constantly witty and incorrigible has made a permanent impression in my life. I had a wonderful time!

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you for EVERYTHING!

 

I will come and visit again, (OK Claire?).

 

Egg Off,

Ramblin’ Rooster

 

THE END?

What I Learned Along The Way

with 26 comments

I once said the quickest way to destroy the feeling of being original and creative is to try and register a domain name. Bluebear.com – taken! ieatvomitalldaylong.com – taken! Stickknivesinmyanus.com – taken! Ffrt756sdexc.com – taken? It’s no joke, there’s nothing left.

 

I won’t lie to you. I’ve spent a lot of time alone on the farm. Spending my days wandering the pasture and raising havoc in the hen house, taunting the bulls and shootin’ the shit with the pigs, (both literally and metaphorically) I’ve wasted a lot of time doing a whole lot of nothing. You know you’ve hit bottom when you actually hug a tree.

 

Isolation does one of two things. Makes you crazy or makes you delusional. When you spend most of time bouncing ideas off the back of your skull, you start to think of things in ways that don’t necessarily make sense to anyone but you. You forget that a cynical attitude can be nothing more than a defensive mechanism to fend off the idea that there actually is a great big wide world out there and not all of them want to stab you with a fork.

 

I have absolutely been amazed by the talent that swarms around the internet. Before I started all this I didn’t even know what a blog was. From what little information I had about it, I formed the idea it was nothing more than people blowing off steam or spouting off nonsense about their “mother-in-law that won’t get the hint”. You know, like a cross country Greyhound trip, information forced upon you that made suicide seem fun and exciting.

 

Truth be told, I’ve really enjoyed reading the blogs and comments of those who have chosen to share and those whose talent has captured my fancy. I never thought my contempt for humanity and their futile, pointless and unimaginative points of view would actually be something I found myself caught up in reading and following. Looking forward to reading something on the internet to me would be like Alan asking out Carlita, or Scott living in America, or CLT not rocking out, or pochp lost behind a computer, or fundamentaljelly without a camera, or Claire making it through the day without drinking a fifth of whiskey… in other words, something that could never happen.

 

What a pleasant surprise.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

The Prelude

with 35 comments

Today I saw a man that had a Bluetooh clip in his left ear and his cell phone up to his right ear. In retrospect, I guess it would have been even more awesome if he was holding the phone over his Star Trek communicator, but oh well. Anyway, I thought, “Man, this guy must be really busy. I bet that phone call must be really important if he took out his phone to talk.” Then he said, “Oh honey, don’t cry. Wal-Mart’s cheap but that doesn’t mean they have the lowest price.” That’s when I shot him.

 

FYI – Friday will mark the final installment of ‘Ramblin’ Rooster’. I’ve gotten called up to the big time and won’t have the scheduling needed to keep this blog going. OK, that’s a lie. I didn’t get any calls, but my blogging has run its course and it’s time for me to exit stage left.

 

Sadly, (for only Scott I suppose) there will be no ‘Riddle Me Rooster’ on Friday, since obviously the answer would never come on Monday.

 

This blog is not however my final goodbye, but more of way to let you know what’s going on, if by chance you wanted to say your farewells and have me answer them.

 

The site will still be “up” and I invite you to browse around and read one of my many blogs that got only one view, (unless of course you were that one viewer, then you’d probably be done with me).

 

I’m sure my farewell blog will contain many thank yous and goodbyes, filled with cyber tears and internet lumps in the throat, but just in case you never come back after this…

 

Thanks for everything!

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Delete My Perfect Worthless Picture

with 14 comments

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately hanging out over at the fundamentaljelly site looking at his pictures. (http://fundamentaljelly.com/ as if you didn’t know). It seems like there’s been some kind of birth of inspiration for photography sweeping WordPress lately.

 

I loved photography in my youth. I still remember the first day of class and everyone had to stand up and state why they wanted to learn photography. When it was my turn, I stood up and said, “I want to be a Playboy photographer”. It got some laughs and truth be told I wasn’t serious, even though I’d take that gig in a heartbeat.

 

Once school ended so did my photography stint. I’m not sore about it, just stating fact. Now days there’s probably very little film photographers left. It’s made me sad to lose one thing and that would be the “alien photos”.

 

Seems like no matter what, there was always a crazy, abstract, weirdo photo and the beginning and end of every roll. Sometimes you’d get a couple more at the end. I collected those photos and use to take the ones that people threw away when they got they’re pictures back from the “fotohut”.

 

I had a real appreciation for these photographs. I thought they were awesome and unique, even the ones with the distorted finger that turned out to be grandma holding the camera like a hungry bear. I always thought they were interesting in composition.

 

Those are all gone now too. With the dominance of the digital camera, the ease of deleting unwanted pictures is a mere click away. No reason to keep those pesky, one-of-a-kind, pictures on your card.

 

It’s too bad.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Riddle Answer #5

with 13 comments

 ‘Riddle Me Rooster’. The least exciting riddle game of the internet comes crashing into your home again with the answer you’ve all been waiting for.

As always; in my heart of hearts I wish I could say that they were all right, but alas that would be anarchy. I can say that there were no wrong answers, (see how I did that there?), but much like the dreaded game of “pick a number” the goal is to say the exact thing I’m thinking of.

What is the only city that has no people?

Right after this…

“If you have trouble becoming aroused, don’t think that it’s God or Mother Nature trying to control you or give you a hint about something. It’s just bad luck. But thanks to money grubbing science you don’t have to worry anymore. There are all kinds of pills to help you achieve the erection you’ve always dreamed about. So don’t just sit there go kill yourself having sex!”

OK, we’re back and ready for the answer.

Again, I’d like to thank all of the answers and submittals that I received. All of them were gems of thought and humor to savor. Each one was immensely enjoyed.

We’d like to thank our sponsor and thoughtster behind the riddle game: http://zodiblog.wordpress.com/

And now, for the answer:

“electricity”

This is where I’m confused. Since Scott is the sponsor of Riddle Me Rooster and has no land, can he be the winner?

 

Let’s vote on it.

 

Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster

Written by Ramblin' Rooster

July 14, 2009 at 3:35 am