Sunday's drive up your blog… with Ramblin' Rooster

The official blog of

B A N G !

with 31 comments

The fourth of July is over and I for one am very depressed. I love Fourth of July, but unfortunately not for any of the reasons I should. I don’t sing happy birthday to America, bake a cake, nor buy any gifts. I don’t sake hands with a vet or even take time to be thankful for everything. Perhaps I’m mixing up my holidays or maybe I’m just unappreciative and spoiled. All I want to do is blow things up.


I spend more money on fireworks that I would snorting cocaine off a hooker, bellied up to a craps table in a casino. I can’t get enough boom, pop, pow and I’m not talking about the Black Eyed Peas.


I love seeing the explosions in the air, the chemicals burning and giving off their unique colors as the dance their way down back to earth, burning brightly and then vanishing into the neighbor’s yard.


I don’t care about family, cook outs, swimming, watermelon, beer or spicy, bacon-wrapped, jalapeno poppers from Steve’s garden or the fact I set the neighbor’s roof on fire. I want fireworks and I want them now! More, more, more!


I don’t mess with fire crackers, fountains, sparklers or smoke bombs. I want aerial, night time works. I buy more than anyone really should and I always seem to find a way to slip out of the house to buy a box here and there and some remote stand off the side of the road. “Oh you need panty liners? Let me run to the store and get you some. No, no, it’s no problem at all.”


In the morning, I wake up like the worst of all junkies. Face covered in a light film of ash and soot, mouth dry, flashes and explosions still replaying in my mind, an empty wallet and the thought that I can’t believe it’s all over.


July fifth is the saddest day of my whole year.


Egg On!

Ramblin’ Rooster


31 Responses

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  1. No wonder July fifth is the saddest day of your whole year- you spent all your happiness the previous day.

    Roost on!


    July 6, 2009 at 6:24 am

    • pochp, you make a very good point. Perhaps next year I should just pop one a day. Thanks for the sound advice.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      July 7, 2009 at 3:26 am

  2. But there are huge sales on the fifth! Next year save some money and you can get 4 of anything for the price of one!
    In my youth we used to have firework fight all year. How nobody died I have no idea. We’d shoot them at each other like we were at war. The serious ones too. I probably did lose some hearing though.

    Scott Oglesby

    July 6, 2009 at 1:41 pm

    • Scott Oglesby, your idea is great in theory, but the party is on the fourth… how can I show off in front of strangers on the fifth? Can you hear me or do I need to type louder?

      Ramblin' Rooster

      July 7, 2009 at 3:31 am

      • What, I didn’t hear you. I was too busy sewing my fingers back on. It’s cold in here Eddie, what time is it??

        Scott Oglesby

        July 7, 2009 at 10:05 am

  3. Hey Scott!
    We do that too in my youth but we only shoot at our feet.


    July 6, 2009 at 3:21 pm

  4. My oldest son (all of 4) is pretty impressed with the once-a-year explosions. My wife tracked down some incredibly impressive sparklers that resemble road flares in search of a factory recall when lit.

    I felt pretty impressive holding one. I was sure I could wave in the nearest military jet if need be. I can only imagine what that feels like in the grip of a four-year-old.

    I imagine you can, RR, if your evocative wordsmithering above is any indication…

    Capitalist Lion Tamer

    July 7, 2009 at 3:05 am

    • Capitalist Lion Tamer, I can indeed. I am like a four year old, gripping the world’s largest sparkler, and in need of nap and probably a good talking to.

      Ramblin' Rooster

      July 7, 2009 at 3:31 am

  5. type louder… ha! I’m rolling with laughter on that one.

    Fireworks are illegal here. Yes really. The fire danger is too high. On those occasions when we are allowed to leave the state, my husband and sons insist on hitting the year round fireworks stands just beyond the state lines and then shooting them all off no matter what time of year it is.

    I think it has to be a testosterone thing because I have no desire to light anything on fire and see it blow up.

    Claire Collins

    July 7, 2009 at 4:20 am

  6. Claire-What do you mean when you state, “on those occasions when we are allowed to leave the state?” Are you on a work release program from prison? Are you on parole?
    I just knew that there was something about you, now it’s all starting to fit together! lol.

    Scott Oglesby

    July 7, 2009 at 9:53 am

  7. Just no quacking please.


    July 9, 2009 at 6:06 am

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